Sunday, March 22, 2015


Things are good. Things are very good. Last night i sat in front of Crab. Dick in hand. And for some reason (probably the grey goose) I was talking about how exciting things used to be.  Talking about my collar and leash and then...


Yes!  There it is!  I've got my baby back! "Look at me" he says. ..


It's been a while,  so it wasn't as hard as I like it. My face should sting.   But at least we're back on the road to getting our sex life back.  Maybe I'll dress up next time.  

But it felt good.  I think we forgot the little things.  Like right before he asked me if I had any lip gloss.  I'd let myself forget about the little things that did it for him. I used to not even step in the house without freshening up my lip gloss for him.

Another thing is we touched all day.  Holding hands. Laying close.  I don't usually give affection in a general way.  But I have tried to lately.  And it works.  By the end of the night we were just waiting for Mini to fall asleep!

Friday, February 20, 2015

I have to figure out how to get things back to normal.  I don't think I can though.  I think that's up to him.  I'm pretty sure I'm angry inside.

The situation with his daughter who stole from him.  EVERY PENNY he had.  She stole every red cent out of his bank account leaving him with nothing.  And then I ended up having to pay for everything.  Well...

She now lives in the house for free
He watches her kids for free ALL DAY
Drives a BMW 5 series
Works on Wall Street
Gets food Stamps
Buys tons of designer clothes
Shops at Whole Foods

This shit gets on my FUCKING NERVES.  So now when he says he needs something, bread, milk whatever I'm like "You have to ask Her for it"

My thing is she and her kids haven't suffered behind what she did but me and mine have.  So I'm done,  Let her do it.  I'm finished.  Normal things I want to do fine.  But as far as carrying the whole load on my back.  Nope I'm done.  Ask that bitch...

I really really despise her.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

7 year itch

I think the 7 year itch thing is real! Hell, I had the 7 month itch when I was married!  I think I may not have been put on this earth to be connected to one person for the duration of my time. It's not like I want someone else is just that the thought of dealing with the same little annoyances FOREVER make me want to jump clear or of my skin and run screaming down the middle of the street.

 Little Things like....

Asking me several times what time I'm coming home when you know I have no idea.

Straightening the bed while I'm laying down relaxing.

Wiping the kitchen down while I'm cooking

Asking me what is wrong with my phone if I don't pick up the first time you call.  If I'm working and with clients you know I'm not picking up.

Making us embarrassingly late to every event ever!  Like every one.  Like not on time like eeeeeever!

It seems like to everyone else these are just things people live with.  To me it feels like


I dont even want to LIVE WITH someone much less legally bind myself to anyone. Like.... I don't want to have to pay to break up with anyone.

Is it just me? Do any of you feel like this or is it more of my warped behavior?

Disclaimer: I have my period

Thursday, February 5, 2015


You know what sucks?


You know what sucks more?

When people keep living up to the stereotypes.

You know, you dont want to be that person that stereotypes people.  Like, in my business ethics is a big topic.  No discrimination and all.

But... of course there are definitely stereotypes that we discuss.  Me personally I stay FAR away from speaking or consigning because it's a dangerous thing to get in to.

Those Wigglyworms are sneaky

Green Goblins are always trying to get something for nothing!

But here's the super fucked up part. You do the right thing and dont stereostype people.  You take people at face value and then they go and do the thing you were trying not to pin on them and you get burned.

The other day I was on the phone with an agent I'm doing a deal with.  Now I am one of those black girls that grew up with the "you sound white" BS. If you're like me then you know it can get you into some precarious situations on the phone when you speak to someone that you've never met before. Shes all...

These people are shady!  I swear they're always trying to get the upper hand on people! No seriously.  I knew one who was americanized and had a white husband and all so I thought things would be fine.  But no! As soon as we were in a deal she started with the sneaky shit.

AWKWARD (especially the white husband part)

But so far I'm 3 for 3 with the stereotype.  It sucks because I dont want to be prejudiced but I also dont want to lose control of my transactions by not preparing for the BS.


Wednesday, February 4, 2015


Amazingly the conversation came up. The other day he looked at me and said "I feel like I've given up."  I told him the whole cave scenario and he agreed.  Now lets see what happens.  I told him I'm not as good as pushing him like he is to me.  The difference is I'll take the push.  He won't. He will make excuses.  FOR EVERYTHING.  I explained that to him.  I told him he's a fucking nag.  I am not.  And I won't ever be.  So when I push he's got to move.  I'm not going to badger him because it's not in me.

On another note, he's becoming more naggy.  Sometimes it's embarrassing because I'll be around other people at work and he's all

"When are you leaving work?  I called you, how come you didn't pick up?  What time are you leaving?  What do you have to do?"

It's a little embarrassing.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Deal Dead

Whelp, one deal fell through.  We were so close.  So So close.  This is the dude who got taken in the ponzi scheme.  I'd found him a loan, he had a cosigner.  Turns out the cosigner's mortgage payments were more than he'd originally disclosed.  Wonk, wonk, wooooooonk.  DEAL DEAD.  But... I had another deal cooking in the background.  It sucks though because it was submitted by another agent so that cuts my commission in half.  But money is so much better than no money.

And then other dude that was playing hardball actually got all his terms!  We're Under Contract now!  Yaaaaay!

That's all that is really going on.  I'm cracking down on Mini.  He's not serious in school.  It's so hard for me because I was not that kind of a kid.  I listened.  I've got to get him together though.  A family friend of ours can get him a scholarship to a prestigious boarding school.  But not with comments like "Mini does not follow direction"

Le Sigh......

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Gotta keep it together!

So for the past 4 years Mini and I always get snowed in at Crab's house.  Anytime there was a storm coming we'd pack up our things and go hunker down at Crab's house. This time I decided to pass. For one, as much as I love the kids, I'd rather listen to 1 than 4. It was cool being snowed in with just the three of us. But seven people in a house? No thank you.  I must say, I've enjoyed quiet and onions while being snowed in. Yup! Onions.  Crab hates onions so I don't cook with them on a normal basis. I loooooove onions! So I'm enjoying myself. Made chili with onions, Turkey chops... with onions.  I have one more onion to use.. Turkey sausage with onions and quinoa. He won't try quinoa either! I'm in heaven! Nom nom nom nom nom!

I received a wonderful call yesterday. I'd ignored it like three times because I thought it was a telemarketer. Well it wasn't. Turns out it was a new client! He wants to purchase one of our listings. The amazing thing about that is to get both sides a huge deal is big! The commission on selling both sides of a $1M is equal to selling a $2M house. I hung up the phone and immediately started jumping on the bed.  But this is just the first step.  Things can always fall apart. Getting a deal is the easy part. Keeping it together it's another story!

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Reply Post

I figured I'd just make my Reply to Laki a post because it was getting lengthy.

Okay MD - I can't.  He's evil on the inside.  As long as I stay away I'm good.  He came to the bar to apologize to me for everything.  I accepted.  Hugged him.  And immediately we melted into each.  It's awful.  We can't touch.  We can't be around each other.  There's something that is not of the physical realm that has connected us.  We were made for each other I think.  But he's evil on the inside.  he has a dark core.  So we can never be together and he poisons my life so we can't  even be friends.

Real Estate is stressful.  These big million dollar deals are great but girl they are stressful!  And people with money aren't hoping they get the house.  They're playing hardball.  Everyday is like a day at the roulette table and I don't gamble so I don't like that part.  But I still love it.

The meal ticket thing. Hmmmm maybe.  I think he's more in a depression though.  We're talking about a man who went out 3 or 4 nights a week who wore Ferragamo and Gucci and smelled like manly peaches who now sleeps like 20 hours a day and NEVER leaves the house.  Like ever. He goes to the gym for an hour and he sits with me at work for 2 hours once a week.  He NEVER leaves that one spot. I used to be scared when he'd be at my house that he'd jump off the balcony while I was gone.  I mentioned it once and he said he'd thought about it. But he was good to me when I got crazy and quit my job.  He never rushed me to look for one.  When he was working all he wanted from his check was protein powder and the rest was for me.  So Im not particulary worried about him using me.  More about enabling his depression.  I'm not trying to pull him out of that cave.  I think I kind of bring him blankets and can goods which allow him to stay in that dark cave (literally because he keeps his room dark at all times).

I recently had a talk about accepting any job at this point.   I should push a little further.  Not even for me.  For him.  I'm helping him wallow in this depression instead of pulling him out.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Getting That Old Love Back

Okay rough patch is done.  This is how it got smoothed out...

So week before last,Crab did something. I'm not sure what it was but what ever it was it made me feel the need to speak on it.

As usual it wasn't met with a warm reception.  After that I was cool to him.  Not cold.  But cool.  I wasn't rushing to make dinner.  I wasn't calling all times of the day.  I stayed home most days.  Well a few days ago we were talking about something and he said

"You're such a good person"  My response was to laugh and say "Shut up"

C:  Why are you saying shut up.  You are a good person
M:  Because you're being sarcastic.
C:  You don't think I meant it
M: (laughing) stop playing!  You were being sarcastic right?
C:  Why would you think I was being sarcastic
M:  Because you usually are when you say something nice.  It's usually followed by laughing or a              criticism.  That's all.  That's just why I didn't get that you were being serious.
C:  I'm kind of hurt that you think I'm always saying mean things to you.
M: Don't be hurt.  I'm just not used to it.  I didn't mean to offend you.  But honestly you are usually complaining about something I didn't do, or something I did wrong... not just saying nice things out of nowhere
C:  I tell you all the time how much I appreciate you.
M: You might think it in your head but it's got to have been like 4 or 5 months since you've said something like that
C: Well I'm sorry.  I do love and appreciate you

And since then I've had my old Crab back.  Calling me through the day to see how I'm doing.  Reminding me to drive safely.  He even touched my face as I was falling asleep last night.

I guess it just speaks to how you can't MAKE a person see something.  I'd been trying to force this down his throat for months.  Trying to have talks and let him know what I was feeling.  But all he'd do when I did was shut down.  He'd get defensive and offensive and become like a brick wall.  And it was just so simple as me mistaking a simple sentence for sarcasm and BOOM he understood.  I've gotten I love yous (which he never said FIRST) and so much sweetness.

And just now he asked if I'd help him study.  He said he thinks he needs a little push.  He's lost motivation and he really needs me to help him.

I can do that!

Saturday, January 3, 2015


Okay another quick vent.

I feel TRAPPED.  Trapped Trapped Trapped.

Sometimes I wonder if Crab doesn't get a job because he thinks if he does I'll leave him.  Because I won't leave him down and out.  I just can't.  There's no one else.  No family no friends to pick up the pieces that I do.

I'm sure you remember the Crab from the beginning.  Super stylish.  Smelled awesome.  Great personality.

Now this Crab....
NEVER gets out of the bed. EVER NEVER EVER Only to go to the gym. He is just always laying in the bed.  Like always!

Sleeps ALL day.

Rarely seems to shower.

He's cynical.  Has a nasty attitude.  Always has to be right.  Always has some smart shit to say.  He's a fucking jerk.

I try to be positive in hopes that it will rub off on him but nope.  When he says some nasty sarcastic shit I ignore it.  Don't feed into his bullshit.

Yeah... Yeah... being unemployed for like ever sucks.  It's depressing.  But you know what sucks more?

Working 2 jobs.  Being tired.  Supporting 3 people with $120-$150 week.  I sacrificed.  I HAVE SACRAFICED!  My son sacrificed.  And Crab sits at home being a free fucking nanny for his good for nothing bitch of a daughter!


I needed to get that out.

I love him.  I do.  We have our good days, weeks, months.  But This week, this is how I feel.

Thank you.


I had no idea that my previous post was pretty much the same subject!  WOW!  Sorry guys.  I must really be struggling with this.  Blog Therapy.  Blog Therapy.