Saturday, July 30, 2011

Tonight's one if those wish I had a boyfriend nights.

That's My Boo

I was a rough few days. Apparently they had 9 count drug and weapons chargers. MzP wa distraught to say the least. But then she got a phone call. It was from Debo's phone. But wait... it wasn't Debo. It was a girl. The girl asked what her relationship was with him.

That's my boo. That's my man. We're together.

Then the tells her she's in an open relationship with Debo. Well... they are just friends. They live together. No you don't MzP says. He lives with his grand mother. The girls confirms yeah, they don't live together.

The rest was just a series of the girls stating things that MzP says were obviously not true. So the girl says he's getting released and is MzP coming to court. MzP tells her that she can't she has to work.

"You work? Oh that's good"

So MzP hangs up feeling wonderful. This other girl obviously isn't in his life and respected like she is AND her Boo (I hate that word) is coming home. She felt great that the girl sounded like a loser and was even surprised that she had a job.

So I'm telling this mess to Crab and he says "That's a shame. She was happy the girl was a zero. But she's a three! The other girl doesn't have that Platinum Pussy."

I didn't tell y'all that did I? MzP has a tattoo in her thigh that says... you guessed it. Platinum Pussy.

So the saga continues.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Well, guess what happened. Y'all probably won't be able to guess so I'm just gonna tell you.

Debo got locked up.

I Knoooooooow Right? That's messed up right? Dayuuuuum. That's fucked up yo. MzP can't believe that happened.

Well apparently MzP doesn't do time so IT'S OVAAAAA!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Knockin Off Crackheads in a Single Bound

So this morning I got a recount of MzP and Debo's night at the telly. It was apparently a very passionate night. So on round whatever she thinks he's about to try and go raw. She immediately shuts it down and he gets mad saying he wasn't going to do that. He can't believe she thinks that and he's not trying to get her pregnant right now. (They've discussed having a child together.) She says good cause she really doesn't want to get pregnant right now. Here's the thing.


I think she thinks she's in some hood novel Thug Lovin.

At some point she tells him that they should just move away. Run off the two of them. Get him out of the streets. He says he can't do that. He can't work for The Man. He's a boss. so unless he goes from the block to the boardtroom homie ain't havin no regular gig. So looks like dude will be staying on the block. She expressed her concern for him as well as her concern for her own life. People aready know my car. What if they are out for you and I get shot up? That would never happen, he tells her, cause he would never let anything happen to her. And she believes it too! Cause he gets mad respect in the streets!

So... now this NWord is a super hero? He can sense danger and shit. His locs tranform to wings. Jet packs sprout from his beef and broccoli swamps and he flies to her rescue. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No. Y'all know who it is.


This bitch is living some low budget street movie.

I can't... I can't...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

How to treat a Lay-Deeeeee

You know. This relationship that MzP is having with Debo is such a learning experience. She's learning what love is and in turn, she's passing those little gems of wisdom on to me. So, if you aren't sure if he loves you, here are a few signs...

#1 - He'll only put you on HOLD when he goes to catch a sale. You know. He could tell you he has to call you back so that he can give the fiend his full attention. But Nope. He's all "Hold on a minute baby, let me catch this sale right quick."

#2 - When PD runs up on him with the dogs he seriously considers taking a break from the block. Close calls let him know that he really needs to change his life cause he's got a classy lady now.

# The other dudes on the block tell you how much you've changed his life. (in a couple of weeks) He's in school now. Well a class on how to write a resume. WHAT?!?! That's in school! Cause you know. He wants to do better because, you know... He's got a classy lady now.

#3 He completely abandons his rule of not messing with someone that his dead cousin used to smash, for you! He does it for You! Cause... you know... You're a classy lady. Can't let you get away.

#4 He tells you he has a surprise for you. He wants the two of you to get away for a little while. You know de-stress together. So instead of getting a short stay, he rents a room for a few days. He can't have his classy lady all stressed out.

What really had me laughing was that Crab can't stand MzP. So she told me at the end of this conversation. Yes the above was an actual summary of the conversation. Anyway she says.. "Tell CrabMan I said Hey"! I told him. He said...

Tell her I reject her greeting.

Had me ctfu!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Validate me!

I need constant validation which really
A)Historically not the case because NO ONE ever gave me validation before
B)Is extremely difficult in my situation.

And sitting here typing this I can hear Crab saying "That's not good..." Which is something he says often when we are discussing yours truly.

"That's not good."

Friday PIC and I went out. We both got drunk. She threw up in her driveway. I fell asleep in my car in my driveway. Both of us off of like a drink and a half... I ended up with Crab and I couldn't perform shall we say. I kept asking what was wrong why he didn't like it. He got annoyed and didn't want it at all after that. I felt defeated and a bit like a failure. Saturday went ok. I explained how upset it made me that I couldn't effectively do my job Friday. Then Sunday, he really didn't pay much attention to me. We talked a couple of times. But the fact that he didn't call me Saturday night and then all day Sunday until I called him around 5 made me feel awful. terrible. Low down in the dumps. And now... I'm feeling awful just because. I think I need a real boyfriend. I know I do. I think I'm gonna try the dating talk again. LOL! Now that made me laugh! Cause we know how the dating talk goes. But hey. Why not try. Maybe he's changed his mind. Maybe he's sick of me and would like someone to take me off his hands!

I probably should go brush up on my ManFives


Sunday, July 24, 2011

And in sex toy news...

OK. Y'all know I go into heat during the summer. So last summer I talked about MD. And I was graphic. So I shall be graphic with this summers activities.

So Crab and I have been experimenting with how I would like this

The first time I thought I was gonna die. For one Jakie (the coche) does not come out to play often. She's shy. So the thought of THAT UP THERE was daunting.
I was scared for a while and would always have and excuse. until this one night. It was not a good night between me and Crab. I hated him that night. Like damn near hated him. I told him several times "I HATE YOU CRAB" pretty much like the babyboy scene. So... I think I was at rockbottom and decided Whatever. Cause this may be the last time ever cause I still sort of hated him. Might as well leave with a bang. Like literally. It hurt. It was not fun. I did cum though but not because of THAT. That's what I will call it. THAT. And when I left that night. I hated him even more. Like really didn't even want to speak to him. I felt he could have been sweeter to me after fucking me with a huge dildo. He basically turned his back on me when we were done and invited me to leave. I will always remember what that felt like when he did that and I use it to help me distance myself from him when I feel I'm getting too emotional with him.

So then the second time it kind of felt good.

The third time we combined it with this

It just didn't do it for me though. I just couldn't cum. The dildo did'nt hurt anymore. I thought that I would really like the DP but it wasn't all that I thought it was but I think that the butt plug probably wasn't big enough.

So. We have some more experimenting to do. I want a g-spot vibrator. I'll let you all know how it goes.

And that's all for now

Gotta What? Yo! Gotta get a Roughneck! ANOTHER MZP BANGA!

So MzP has a... well had a boyfriend. MzP is 36. So she and this dude who "works" on the corner across the street from Basic's (her oldest daughter) apartment were together. Well he referred to her as "His Lady". So any ways. They were hot and heavy for a couple of weeks, which she likes to refer to as a couple of months. She loves that he is a bad boy and the bully of the block. He likes to fight and people are scared of him. And he's making all of this money. I tried to explain to her that he was ON THE BLOCK he ain't making money like that. She said he pulled out a wad. Again I tried to explain to her that THAT AIN'T HIS MONEY! She said he spent a $100 on a room like it was nothing. Um... If your dude is balling he may be spending thousands like nothing. A hundred... naw... he's a worker bee Ma'Lady.

Anyway. So last week she calls... she needs advice... Debo (That's what I call him) never wants to go anywhere. By the way Debo is 28 and just got home a year ago. He said he did an 8 year bid but she looked him up on inmate lockup and he actually only did a year and a half.


So Debo always turns her down. She wants to go to a wine tasting and he doesn't. I'm like MzP. Are you FUCKING STUUUUUPID?! You trying to take a straight up NIGGA who sells drugs in one of THEEEE worst parts of Newark to a WINE TASTING? Why the fuck are you wasting my time with this shit. You think that shit would be fun? Take it from a former dumbass who used to drag her thug nigga into regular people places and get the fuck embarassed out of me EVERY TIME. It was YO this and YO that. He would try and speak proper which he couldn't do well, and end up sounding like an effeminate DMX. And he would throw in "per se" incorrectly OFTEN... per se.

So today she calls. They broke up... She found out he's a Blood. Yup... go figure... Who would have thought! o_O But no. That's not why they broke up. When she found out he was in a gang she told him she had to rethink the relationship because she'd been with a dude in a gang before and didn't like it. "What's his name" he asks. She tells him. Debo says he knows him. she asks how he is. "Dead" he tells her. Then he says that's his cousin and now he can't be with her. She says "but he ain't here." He said nope. That's my family. I cant fuck with you now.

And so MzP is single again...

Thursday, July 7, 2011

EXcuses Volume 1

My ex comes up with crazy excuses. He is the king of excuses. Okay so every other week I will be posting my ex husband's excuse for not taking our son for his weekend. Now for about two months he was riding with *** drumroll***

Bed Bugs

He knew I wasn't fuckin with no damn bed bugs. He got that off!

So what you ask was the excuse he gave me tonight? *** drumroll please ***

"I had a small stroke today. I will be seeing drs all weekend". O_o

**Chris Brown voice ** I'm Done

God forgive me if its true (but it ain't)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


I'm really really sick of my situation right now. Like, I'm so tired of it. But I won't end it. So it's just all my fault really. I'm trying though. I really am... just not hard enough I guess.

That's all