Sunday, June 19, 2011
Him: I'm sorry I'm not going to get to see you today.
Me: Yeah I figured
Him: Do you want more kids and are you on the pill?
Me: That came from.... nowhere! It depends on the situation and no I'm not.
Him: You're not?!? Well I don't have kids but I really don't think I want any. Listen I really want to be with you but I need for you to keep us a secret. A lot rides on women believing I'm available.
Me: Then we can't be together.
Him: But I'll be everything you want in a man. You just have to keep it to yourself. That's all.
Me: I've been a secret before. It hurts. And I'm not doing it again.
Me: Maybe one day things will change for you and we can be together. But until then
Him: Until then what?
Me: Until then maybe we can we build
Him: We build?
Me: Yeah we build a foundation. But I won't be your girlfriend and you won't be my boyfriend. And you won't get any ass.
Who does he think he's fooling?
1. I talk to myself. A lot. Like... A lot!
2. I'm selfish. I hate to share my things. Except food. I'll share food.
3. When I'm not talking to myself out loud I'm having an internal dialogue which displays in matching facial expressions which I know probably looks weird.
4. I get bored with any and everything super fast.
5. I want someone to save me from myself so so bad.
6. I own a 1 bedroom apartment with my parents that they won't let me sell. So I sleep on the couch. I feel trapped. (renting it will never cover my monthly fees)
7. I try and be positive. It's all an act.
8. I don't understand random humor from people I don't know. It makes me socially awkward.
9. I'm manipulative
10. I don't think I'm sane but I think I portray sanity well.
There was this one Dude that kept standing next to me saying "Give me your number, Give me your number, give me your number." And I just kept saying "No." Then he was like "Oh You're taken?" I was like "Yeah...." and he was like "Take my number down. Take my number down. Take my number down"
So then this guy I'd met before wanted to go sit outside and talk so I sat outside and talked with him. Last time he was on some ol' I want you to be the mother of my children BS. This time it was more of I want to be with you but I don't want a relationship BS. So I told him that I'm a relationship type of chick and I'm not looking to be anyone's "special friend" Cause it when it come to me and my life that shit is PLAYED OUT. So he said if that's what it took he'd be my boyfriend. So we played boyfriend girlfriend all night and it was as cute as puppies! And then I told PIC that if he got more shots that she should take them because I was driving. So she said that she was good and thought she ahd more than enough already.
So dude invited me and PIC to a partaaaaaay. It should be fun. We shall see. I invited an friend of a friend Angel too. She's gorgeous!
Good Times. Now let me see what y'all suckas have been up to!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Ok so who's ready for another MzP story?
Well the past month she has commited herself to celebacy/abstinance. She speaks about it often. She recently had an unfortunate situation. She was a little itchy and told me about how she'd had drunken sex with a guy from like five years ago and he apparently removed the condom and she'd gotten the yeasties. Hmmmm no mention of celibacy.
So then she's back on her whole "because I'm practicing celibacy" talk after it lasted about two weeks. So yeah whatevs. So today she calls me to tell me this other guy she's been seeing of and on (but aren't they all off and on) for the past year. A couple of weeks ago she went over his house and he was really trying to get some and she didn't cause well you know... she's celibate. So this morning she says that he hurt her feelings. Well how'd he hurt her feelings you ask...
Well they were laying in the bed after some celibacy sex. (That's that sex that doesn't count against your celibacy). And they are talking about her cousin's new girlfriend. So dude says ol girl is bangin. She's a ten. So what makes her a ten MzP asks. So he talks about her body blah blah blah. Sooooo naturally.... she asks... yup.... you know where this one is going
What would you rate me?
Dun dun duuuuuun....
Why is she a ten and I'm a seven?
Well she's got a great body. But I like your size. You're my preference.
Well if I'm your preference why wouldn't you call me a ten.
Well if there were 50 men in a room 49 of them probably wouldn't be attracted to you because you wouldn't be their preference.
So she going on about how he has no tact and all... how they got on to the subject of why she can't get a man I don't know. But they did. "To be honest with you. I think its because of your kids" he says. She says how can that be? They are all grown and out the house... screeeeeeeech. Let's run this down shall we?
Oldest - Basic
Basic has the smartest arrogant nasty attitude. Had a baby at 15. By an older dude in his 20s. Who is a crip. She lived with MzP up until about a month ago. Her, the baby, the boyfriend and their mean pitbull. The boy friend is crazy nasty and verbally and physically abusive. She is now 18 and going to a top school on a full scholarship. Yup she a brilliant girl that pretends to be a rachet hoodrat.
Middle - Doll
Sweet girl. Has lived thousands of miles away with MzPs mom since she was 8. She misses her mem and really would rather bw with her mom. So every couple of years she will move back up here to be with her. But usually there is no where to stay and they stay with a dude she's seeing or... from dude to dude. One night and this dude's house snother night at that dudes. So after a month or so doll ujsually moves back in with her grandma. So Doll just graduated high school and MzP didn't go to the graduation. She said she was trying to move out of state so if she went she wouldn't be able to move this month if she spent her money on the plane ticket. Doll gets crushed over and over by her mother's irresponsibility and disregard for her. But she still loves and yearns for her. Its sad.
Youngest - Chip
Her son. The father has custody. The father is the biggest con artist. Well anyway chip is 11 and he's annoying as fuck. She doesn't realize this. His voice is annoying. The things he says is annoying and he's annoying to look at. She has him every weekend so she often drags him along on dates.
All of that being said... he never elaborated on what he meant. But I think what he was trying to say was
You've been a terrible mother.