Thursday, June 9, 2011

On a scale of 1 to 10

Ok so who's ready for another MzP story?

Well the past month she has commited herself to celebacy/abstinance. She speaks about it often. She recently had an unfortunate situation. She was a little itchy and told me about how she'd had drunken sex with a guy from like five years ago and he apparently removed the condom and she'd gotten the yeasties.  Hmmmm no mention of celibacy. 

So then she's back on her whole "because I'm practicing celibacy" talk after it lasted about two weeks.  So yeah whatevs.  So today she calls me to tell me this other guy she's been seeing of and on (but aren't they all off and on) for the past year.  A couple of weeks ago she went over his house and he was really trying to get some and she didn't cause well you know... she's celibate. So this morning she says that he hurt her feelings. Well how'd he hurt her feelings you ask...

Well they were laying in the bed after some celibacy sex. (That's that sex that doesn't count against your celibacy). And they are talking about her cousin's new girlfriend.  So dude says ol girl is bangin.  She's a ten.  So what makes her a ten MzP asks.  So he talks about her body blah blah blah.  Sooooo naturally.... she asks... yup.... you know where this one is going

What would you rate me?
Dun dun duuuuuun....

A seven.

Why is she a ten and I'm a seven?

Well she's got a great body. But I like your size.  You're my preference.

Well if I'm your preference why wouldn't you call me a ten.

Well if there were 50 men in a room 49 of them probably wouldn't be attracted to you because you wouldn't be their preference.

So she going on about how he has no tact and all...  how they got on to the subject of why she can't get a man I don't know. But they did.  "To be honest with you. I think its because of your kids" he says.  She says how can that be?  They are all grown and out the house... screeeeeeeech.  Let's run this down shall we?

Oldest - Basic
Basic has the smartest arrogant nasty attitude. Had a baby at 15.  By an older dude in his 20s. Who is a crip.  She lived with MzP up until about a month ago. Her, the baby, the boyfriend and their mean pitbull. The boy friend is crazy nasty and verbally and physically abusive. She is now 18 and going to a top school on a full scholarship.  Yup she a brilliant girl that pretends to be a rachet hoodrat.

Middle - Doll
Sweet girl. Has lived thousands of miles away with MzPs mom since she was 8. She misses her mem and really would rather bw with her mom. So every couple of years she will move back up here to be with her. But usually there is no where to stay and they stay with a dude she's seeing or... from dude to dude. One night and this dude's house snother night at that dudes.  So after a month or so doll ujsually moves back in with her grandma.  So Doll just graduated high school and MzP didn't go to the graduation. She said she was trying to move out of state so if she went she wouldn't be able to move this month if she spent her money on the plane ticket. Doll gets crushed over and over by her mother's irresponsibility and disregard for her. But she still loves and yearns for her.  Its sad.

Youngest - Chip
Her son.  The father has custody. The father is the biggest con artist.  Well anyway chip is 11 and he's annoying as fuck.  She doesn't realize this.  His voice is annoying. The things he says is annoying and he's annoying to look at.  She has him every weekend so she often drags him along on dates.

All of that being said... he never elaborated on what he meant.  But I think what he was trying to say was

You've been a terrible mother.


  1. "Well they were laying in the bed after some celibacy sex. (That's that sex that doesn't count against your celibacy)."

    Now THAT'S how you tell a mfing joke! I love this post! How you been, lady?

  2. First, I'd NEVER ask some dude to rate me. I either wouldn't believe him if he rated me too high or I'd be all pissy if he rated me lower than what I thought he would and I'd NEVER forget it. Second, I have a friend who's just like MzP, as far as her kids go. Four kids, four diff daddies, none live with her. And she refuses to acknowledge her failure as a mother. smh.

  3. That's celibacy sex? I didn't know you could put to two words together and that equal actual sex. LOL This woman is hilarious!

    Why would she even ask him that question? *sigh* Yet another woman who needs some sort of validation for her very existence. So sad.

    She's wrong how she's doing her kids. Come on! Be a woman and get it together.

    How do you know these people, girl?! LOL

  4. Glad you all enjoyed. I got lots more where they come from

    @Ice hey mister! I'm good. Gotta head over to ur blog and see how its going with the ladies!

    @Laki Gurl, for some reason I knew you'd know a MzP of your own. And as for the rating I would never have gone there cause I don't even want to know. Just let me live in my dark twisted fantasy where I'm a 20. Shoooooo

    @Monique we've been friends like 20yrs. Best friend for like 15. We have a lot in common personality wise. But as far as rules of passing out the choche and parenting polar opposites.