Point taken?

So I think my little speech may have hit him in the right place.

He actually called him yesterday just to say hi.  To ask him how his day went.

Then around 10pm he calls and says

X: Hey you! (all jipper like which is not him he is the grinch) Yeah I wanted to tell you to make sure he drinks enough water.  They said on this show that water is essential to life and I want to make sure he's drinking enough water

M: Uh... yeah he drinks water.

X:  Ok I just wanted to make sure.

While the second part is odd, it's more than he usually does.  So that's good.  Let's just see what happens

The Ex-files

So the weekend was pretty much non-eventful.

Friday I took a half day so I could have a little special time with my Mini.  We went to the mall and I let him pick out a hat from Lids and get his name put on it.  I bought him Sneakers... the most impractical sneakers ever.  They were white on white on white on white.  But they were what he wanted so I bought them.  It was a special little day.  I didn't bark at him (like I do a lot) I didn't rush him. I just enjoyed him.  It was so special to me and so special to see how much he loved the stuff I bought him.

Sooooo......

Last night I was in the kitchen, cutting my veggies for today and Mini comes in and says to me. 

"Did Daddy buy me these sneakers and this hat?"

M: Why would you say that?

"I asked daddy why he never buys me anything and he says he paid for my hat and my sneakers."

I told him to go watch tv and I immediately picked up the phone.

M: Hello. Don't you ever tell Mini that the things I do for him are because of child support.

X; I didn't...

M: No you did.  You told him that you paid for the hat and sneakers I bought him.

X: I didn't say that I paid for it.  That's not what I...

M: Listen, I'm not gonna play a game of what exact words you said to him.  We both know what you were insinuating.  He is seven years old and child support is none of his business.

I shelter him, I make sure he has breakfast lunch and dinner, I pay for before care, I pay for after care, I pay for boxing, I pay for golf lessons, I pay for camp.  I pay for extras.  I take care him.  And it's hard to do all by myself.  I waited for my payday and took time off of my job to go get him those sneakers and that hat.  And you try and take claim for that? Don't you ever try and diminish the things I do for him by telling him it's because of money I got from you.

X: Okay

Then I hung up

This NWord better realize I am not the same person that let him treat me like shit and he better not mess with me.

Mini Time

I went to sleep last night with an attitude and headache and woke up this morning with a bigger attitude and a bigger headache.  Luckily I took a half day today so I'm going to leave early.

I was supposed to go hang with Crab but I think my son deserves some fun time with me so I'm going to pick him up early and go take him to get a hair cut and the sneakers he's got his eyes on.  Maybe to the movies too. And then rest.  He's got golf on Saturday at 8:30 so I want to make sure he's got all of his clubs together so we aren't scrambling.  

I think it's time to prioritize some things.  I already spend a lot of time doing mommy things but I want to enjoy this summer with my son.  You are only 7 in the summer once!  I gotta make sure I make some great memories for him.  That is one of my favorite things about being a mother.  Making memories for him.

Keep your ass home

Well.............

I gotta get out.  I have been out since the last time I was out and that was a whiiiiiiiiile ago.  But I can't really justify it right now.  Money is SUPER tight and I just cant see myself spending money on anything that isn't absolutely necessary.  And when I see people do this this it annoys THE FUCK out of me.  I mean who am I to tell people what they can and can't do with their money.  But if you call me all strapped for cash for gas and food and then the next day tell me about how you went out I take offense.  Because I'm STRUGGLING right now.

My weekly hairdo- GONE
My weekly Mani Pedi - GONE
My weekly/biweekly as needed eyebrow threading - GONE
Going out (even to have men buy me drinks) - GONE

No new shoes

No new outfits

None of my favorite lipgloss

Nothing

I spend my money on gas and taking care of home

THAT'S IT

NOTHING EXTRA

NOTHING

And I give you money and you hop your ass out to the nearest bar/lounge/club while I spend another night at home with cup full of Kool-Aid?!?!?!

I swear my BF Sis is gonna ask me for money (She gives me $ too so I'm not complaining about that) and then she's gonna be at someone's bar or club tonight. I GUA-RAN-TEE.

VENT

Maybe I'm just being a hater...
  

Yeah so....

Well Homeboy and I had a little talk.

And this is what I came away with which gives me more respect for him (not that there was a lack of respect to begin with but more)

He likes me.  Even loves me.  He feels I'm perfect for him and we would be perfect together.

However...

He is not ready for a serious relationship.  And knowing how perfect we would be together he'd rather not start anything he doesn't feel ready for and mess up.  That includes having a physical thing with me.  He doesn't even want to take it anywhere until he's ready to be serious with me.  This reminded me of a time I was all

M: "Homeboy!  Why don't we just be together?!?!?"

H: "Because what if we get together and I'm not good at being a boyfriend."

M: "What?!?!"

And...

Until I'm not in love with Crab.

So that's all fair.  Obviously he sees my heart is not really available.

After this you'd think it was concluded right?

No.  Because after telling this to a friend she came up with the next mystery.

"Why isn't he ready?"

Oh......... I don't know.....


On un autre note

He called me last night and I was all

"Homeboooooy, it's you're birthday tomorrow!"

And he says "Really? Tomorrow's my birthday?"

And I was all "Yaaaaaay!  Today's your birthday! Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I suck for forgetting!

The Hood... down there

Ugh.  I'm getting tired again.  I was going for iron IV once a week but then my hemoglobin got up to 13 which is good so they gave me three months off.  But I'm not assertive enough to say "Hey 3 months is too long for me to go without getting iron."  By three months I will have no iron in my system at all.  So now I'm feeling the effects and it's only been 1 month. My eyes are sore I always feel like I JUST woke up.  That sucks!  What if I get some cucumbers from the salad bar at lunch and then sit at my desk with my head back and cucumbers on my eyes.

Then my life in general is hectic.  My evenings are draining and how do you drain something that's already drained?

In other news....

I'm sexually frustrated.  Seriously frustrated.

Like really really frustrated.

It's that time of year that I like to GET IT ALL THE TIME.  And I ain't gettin it none of the time.

I've thrown out a couple of hints but

Either he dont know, don't show, or don't care about what's going on in the hood... down there

I'm the man in this sexual relationship when it comes to... well no.. cause I take care of my business on his end... 4 to 5 times a week...

Sigh...

Typical!

SO....I'm on the phone with Homeboy.

I'm like "So what did you have to tell me?"

H: I decided not to tell you

M: Of course you did.  You always do.

H: (laughs) I had a dream about you last night.

So he tells me the dream.  He saw me on Main Street and there was something wrong with my car.  So he picked me up and took me back to his house.  We were watching a movie and I said
"Don't be scared.  You can do anything you want to with me".  (Sounds like something I'd say right?)
So he takes off my pants and then........................................
he told me he'd be right back he had to go take his car to the shop.
When he got back I was gone.

That was the dream.

Sounds just like something he'd do.

Then he told me he'd call me back.

Oh Homeboy....

Homeboy Quickie

Oh... I stopped talking to Homeboy.  Well I stopped calling and texting him.  I still see him at the gym.  But I try not to give too much convo.  Last time I saw him I told him Crab and I are exclusive.  I don't ignore him completely though because that would be childish.  I have nothing against him.  He's a sweetheart.

He still calls every now and then.

A few days ago he called to tell me he's thinking about buying an apartment in my building.

I told him not to. (for a few reasons)

Yesterday he called to tell me he needs to tell me something

Then he said he'd call back when he finished eating.

I think he wants me to pay him attention.

I can't though.

I can't

Agreed

I'm sorry I've been away so long.  I've been....  I don't know.  Around.

I do happen to be very very in love.  Crab and I are definitely exclusive at this point. I'm not sure how it got this way.  It all seems to be a bit of a blur but I think it came out of
A) Crab not appreciating my carryings on with Homeboy and voicing his opinion clearly (finally) and
B) me not appreciating his internet goings on.  Which he claims not to have but... whatever.  I don't like it and I don't like his damn Instagram.
So there was a lot of back and forth bickering that seems to have resulted in some type of exclusivity.

I am however very in love.

I guess I haven't been writing because I'm always very honest here.  I don't want to write if I can't be honest.  And sometimes.  You know... you'd rather not be honest.  Not necessarily to others but yourself. It may be a way to survive.  If we didn't lie to ourselves how would we make it.  It's the little lies we tell ourselves like "You can do it!" that fuel us to keep pressing and keep going that get us to a point where yeah you really can do it!

Now I'm not saying there are horrible things that I need to lie about but there are issues right now that I have to get over and being honest with you all or myself about them is going to keep me in a perpetual loop, because the honest truth of it is that I'm unresolved on some things.  So to talk about it or face it would be just well should I or shouldn't I want this and then again I want that.  But that's not gonna help me move forward.  So right now I've got to get over a hill.  Not a mountain.  Just a hill.

The way I deal with most things in life is to make what I call agreements about things.  These agreements tend to be absolute.  Once an agreement is made it can not be broken.  These agreements sometimes are deliberate and sometimes happen on their own  But however they happen once they are made they are set in stone.  This is how I end friendships, relationships, lifestyle changes, even change brands of soap.  Agreements. Sometimes it takes 30 seconds to come to an agreement with myself on an issue.  Sometimes it takes weeks of negotiating.

I am negotiating.

So rather than talk about the issues at hand (or write for that matter) I'd rather just work on finalizing some agreements.

If that makes sense to you