I'm sorry I've been away so long. I've been.... I don't know. Around.
I do happen to be very very in love. Crab and I are definitely exclusive at this point. I'm not sure how it got this way. It all seems to be a bit of a blur but I think it came out of
A) Crab not appreciating my carryings on with Homeboy and voicing his opinion clearly (finally) and
B) me not appreciating his internet goings on. Which he claims not to have but... whatever. I don't like it and I don't like his damn Instagram.
So there was a lot of back and forth bickering that seems to have resulted in some type of exclusivity.
I am however very in love.
I guess I haven't been writing because I'm always very honest here. I don't want to write if I can't be honest. And sometimes. You know... you'd rather not be honest. Not necessarily to others but yourself. It may be a way to survive. If we didn't lie to ourselves how would we make it. It's the little lies we tell ourselves like "You can do it!" that fuel us to keep pressing and keep going that get us to a point where yeah you really can do it!
Now I'm not saying there are horrible things that I need to lie about but there are issues right now that I have to get over and being honest with you all or myself about them is going to keep me in a perpetual loop, because the honest truth of it is that I'm unresolved on some things. So to talk about it or face it would be just well should I or shouldn't I want this and then again I want that. But that's not gonna help me move forward. So right now I've got to get over a hill. Not a mountain. Just a hill.
The way I deal with most things in life is to make what I call agreements about things. These agreements tend to be absolute. Once an agreement is made it can not be broken. These agreements sometimes are deliberate and sometimes happen on their own But however they happen once they are made they are set in stone. This is how I end friendships, relationships, lifestyle changes, even change brands of soap. Agreements. Sometimes it takes 30 seconds to come to an agreement with myself on an issue. Sometimes it takes weeks of negotiating.
I am negotiating.
So rather than talk about the issues at hand (or write for that matter) I'd rather just work on finalizing some agreements.
If that makes sense to you