Flash Blog 1

Flash Blogs

I think I might do flash blogs that stay up for an hour or two. 

Oh boy....

Sigh....

Laki was so right with the contradiction comment.

This is the terrible thing....

You know that cheaters attitude,  The one when someone is cheating and everything their partner does get on their nerves and they become unbearable?  Yeah... well I'm developing a pretty nasty Cheater's Attitude.  Being around MD all day 6 days a week makes be so resentful of Crab!  We've broken up like fifty times in the past 2 weeks.  And to top it off....

He's living with me....

Yeah.

Yeah.....

I don't even know how to begin to explain the complicated dynamics of my every day.  Crab in the morning, MD in the day, mixed with his wife throughout the day (who confronted me and told me she doesn't want me working there), then Crab at night...  And did I mention MD throughout the day.... yeah I did....

What made me think this was gonna work?

But I leaped in and it's gonna HAVE TO WORK!

Ok very quickly on the Crab thing cause it's boring I guess.  Sex has always been not existent.  We have sex like once every 5 months or so.  Every now and then we might have a month when we have sex a few times.  His excuse is I don't talk enough.  I tried.  Still no sex. So at this point I don't care. I don't even want it.  I told him last night what we have is a friendship.
He "broke up" with me because I still talk to Homeboy every now and then.  I just have a real hard time with people telling me what to do.  The worst way to get me to do what you want me to do is to demand it. 

With Homeboy,  Crab always said how Homeboy couldn't have loved me and how Homeboy was just a player.  But you know what...?  Homeboy does care for me and he is THE OPPOSITE of a player.  Crab said he wanted me to tell him not to call me anymore.  But we are friends.  He calls to see how I'm doing every now and then.... I call to see how he's doing every now and then... I'm not telling him that.  And the number one reason why?  Crab had not done enough to be a man to me.  How do I look letting a man who I'm not even having sex with tell me who I can and can't be friends with.  NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

So he broke up with me.  But he's still right here on my couch so.....

Ok.  So MD.  When we had our thing before I was very careful not to have ANY feelings for him. None whatsoever.  He was merely penis.  The best penis I have ever encountered ever in my existence. I became totally addicted to it.  Once I found out he was in a relationship I still did it/him. Brazenly.  I made no apologies.  I couldn't stop.  That's not even remotely like me.

I hate to sound corny but... What we have between us is weird and even eerie.  We talk about it a lot now.  How we have this chemistry that is so hard to resist.  When we touch it takes us to somewhere... I don't know.... It's like we stop being bodies and it's our souls that are connecting.  It really is an amazing thing. Soooo corny. Soooo corny I KNOW.  But it's true.  And I thought it was just what I was feeling.  I thought "he's just talented in the bed.  I've just never had sex that good". But he's told me he feels it too.

But....

MD is married.
MD is a bad boy (always in trouble and doing stints in jail)
MD drinks too much

But....

Sometimes I think
It could be possible
That
We were meant

But....

He's married

I have a boyfriend...

So... At least I've experienced something so unexplainablely amazing that words do it no justice.

Mr. Dangerous reappears

So.... I know I must go deeper into what I told you yesterday so....

I got very angry at work one day.  Told them exactly what was on my mind.  I took a huge leap of faith and decided I wasn't going back.  As some of you know I'm in real estate, but not sales. So I decided to go get my license.  I saw a friend of mine doing well and decided to try my hand at it.

This is where MD comes into the picture.  He's a successful broker.  I'd always asked him if I were to get my license would he hold it for me.  One cannot simply have a license.  You have to have a broker who holds it.  You don't necessarily have to be actively working but you do have to have an "employing broker".  So it was always understood that he would hold my license for me.  Even Crab was aware. 

When I decided not to return to my job ever ever never ever I

A. Had a mini breakdown for a few weeks

Then..

B. Enrolled in class to get my license

C. Called MD and asked him to give me a job.

He said of course and welcomed me with open arms. Crab, not a happy camper.  At all.  At all.

But frankly, he's still not working.  We're going on TWO YEARS.

TWO

YEARS

I am so stressed and stretched to my financial limit. 

My ex hasn't paid child support in God knows when. 

I really don't care who doesn't like it.

So yeah.  I'm working with/for MD. 

For those who weren't around during my MD days let me go into that.

So when Crab was so adamant about not being in a committed relationship I always kept my options open.  And one night those options came in the form of Mr Dangerous.  MD is one of my lodge brothers. I never liked him.  He was rude, flashy, arrogant and wild.  I ran into MD one night while I was at The Spot where Crab was a bartender.  Crab was working that night and saw me arguing with someone.  MD.  He had said something rude about my marriage.  I think he'd said "From what I heard you're better off".  I still was pretty devastated so I took that to heart.  He apologized and then told me he was interested in PIC (my best friend) he asked if he could call me about her.  I said fine.  When he called...

MD: I don't want your friend.  I want you.  I've always liked you.

M: Well I don't like you so....

MD: Ok. Well give me a chance to change your mind about me.  Let me make you dinner.

(talking talking talking....)

I accepted his offer.

So I go over his house and he starts to cook.  I'm sitting there watching.  He's talking all the while calling me Mrs Dangerous. 

I asked when was the last time he'd been in a relationship and he said "right now" and gave me a hug and that's where it began.  No lie... No lie... When our bodies touched it was like an immediate undeniable unexplainable electric connection.  When he and I touch it's like our souls touch.  I know this sounds dramatic but all the drama I put pales in comparison to the actual feeling. 

I went from sitting on a stool in the kitchen to on the bed with my pants off and him inside of me in a matter of seconds. 

And then, just as fast as it happen I came back to reality,  I pushed him off, pulled on my pants and took off like a bat out of hell.  He must have thought I was crazy. 

I don't know how I ended back there but I did.  That time I spent the night.  I remember because the next morning he took me riding on his motorcycle and I had on stilettos (which is very unsafe).  I remember my outfit. I looked super sexy! I digress.  The sex with MD was amazing.  I'd never physically connected with someone like I did with him.  When we were together our bodies moved together perfectly.  Perfectly.  And he made me feel so sexy.  One time in the middle of making love to me he picks me up, stands up, still inside me mind you,  walks over to the mirror and says "look... I wanted you to see how sexy you are". Omg.... This man....

Well one day I went over his house for a fight party he was throwing in the back yard.  Maybe like thirty minutes into being there  out from the house stomps this screaming yelling chick in boxers, a t shirt and a head scarf. She's yelling about she didn't say he could have company. He's yelling back about about how it's his house....

When was the last time he was in a relationship? Right now...

I'd thought he was joking.  You know like when he'd call me Mrs. Dangerous....

So things continued for a short time afterwards.  Crab was very upset.  But here's the thing. Crab had no (and truth be told still has no) interest in sex with me. He didn't (and still doesn't) even touch me. But still I loved him and didn't like upsetting him.  So between that and realizing MD was in a relationship I stopped messing with MD.

But I never stopped thinking about him.  Missing him. 

We would occasionally text hellos. But I avoided him. 

And now... I'm with him daily... I don't really know what to say about that right this very minute. 

I know that this conversation occurred...

MD: What is it with us? I've always felt it was Kismit.

M: I know what you mean.  But I never knew you felt it too.  I wondered if it was something between us or just you. Is it just what you did to me.

MD:  How can you say that and deny what you do to me?  I think I married the wrong woman.  I think im in love with you.

DunDunDuuuuuuunnnnn.....

Bomb

Omg...
I'm so sorry for being such a delinquent.  I've done so much.  Quit my job.  Got my Real Estate license and then... For you old heads that have been with my blog from the beginning... Are you ready for this?  No. There is no way to prepare you for the bomb I'm  about to drop...

I'm

Working

With

MD!

Yessss! The MD.  The one I could never resist. Mr Dangerous. Mr Wrong but felt sooooooo right.  Mr BEST I'VE EVER HAD!

It is a very precarious situation to say the least.  It takes so much restraint.  One of the first things he said on my first day was

"What is it with us. It feels like Kismit"

"Yeah... I know..." I told him.

Here's the thing... Well the things...

* Last time I was around him I made sure not to have any emotional connection.  This time, we spend all day together. So we have developed a friendship if you will.

* He's definitely got a drinking problem. He drinks all day long

* I am now in a committed relationship with Crab

* He's MARRIED now.

The tension is real though... Real.... The control I have to exercise is extreme.

And his wife confronted me!

*gasp*

Yes she did....

More later....