Thursday, June 20, 2013

Ok very quickly on the Crab thing cause it's boring I guess.  Sex has always been not existent.  We have sex like once every 5 months or so.  Every now and then we might have a month when we have sex a few times.  His excuse is I don't talk enough.  I tried.  Still no sex. So at this point I don't care. I don't even want it.  I told him last night what we have is a friendship.
He "broke up" with me because I still talk to Homeboy every now and then.  I just have a real hard time with people telling me what to do.  The worst way to get me to do what you want me to do is to demand it. 

With Homeboy,  Crab always said how Homeboy couldn't have loved me and how Homeboy was just a player.  But you know what...?  Homeboy does care for me and he is THE OPPOSITE of a player.  Crab said he wanted me to tell him not to call me anymore.  But we are friends.  He calls to see how I'm doing every now and then.... I call to see how he's doing every now and then... I'm not telling him that.  And the number one reason why?  Crab had not done enough to be a man to me.  How do I look letting a man who I'm not even having sex with tell me who I can and can't be friends with.  NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

So he broke up with me.  But he's still right here on my couch so.....

Ok.  So MD.  When we had our thing before I was very careful not to have ANY feelings for him. None whatsoever.  He was merely penis.  The best penis I have ever encountered ever in my existence. I became totally addicted to it.  Once I found out he was in a relationship I still did it/him. Brazenly.  I made no apologies.  I couldn't stop.  That's not even remotely like me.

I hate to sound corny but... What we have between us is weird and even eerie.  We talk about it a lot now.  How we have this chemistry that is so hard to resist.  When we touch it takes us to somewhere... I don't know.... It's like we stop being bodies and it's our souls that are connecting.  It really is an amazing thing. Soooo corny. Soooo corny I KNOW.  But it's true.  And I thought it was just what I was feeling.  I thought "he's just talented in the bed.  I've just never had sex that good". But he's told me he feels it too.


MD is married.
MD is a bad boy (always in trouble and doing stints in jail)
MD drinks too much


Sometimes I think
It could be possible
We were meant


He's married

I have a boyfriend...

So... At least I've experienced something so unexplainablely amazing that words do it no justice.


  1. How very conflicting...... Like, I know what you said about Crab before, but there's rarely sex.... Then you've got this dude, but he's married... But it's not just great sex, it's AMAZING sex... And that's not something you can just toss aside and wait to happen again with someone else..... But... Crab.... But....

    How conflicting. And salacious!! I miss this blog!!!

  2. I feel like I missed about 6 months worth of crab stories. So what happened? I thought you guys were humping like Jack Rabbits? Here's my take - when you are comfortable, sex can be AMAZING (I'm jacking Laki's term) but when you aren't (i.e., unable to talk during sex), it leaves room for more. You can't do the talking, then don't worry about it. Someone else will understand.

    Now MD, I don't know about this one, hun. That's playing with fire and you don't need any burns from him or general.

    1. The Jack Rabbit stage might have lasted about a month. I started taking and apparently that still wasn't enough for him to want me in that way. Which in turned cause me not to want him in that way either. Or anything else that we used to do. I give up on sex with him.

      MD - Playing with fire doesn't even begin to describe it...

      I really don't want him in any relationship capacity. I'm enjoying the friendship that we have now and getting to know him better... but he is a problem I have no need for. It's just keeping myself out of his pants... that's the hard part.

  3. A conversation needs to be had with ultimatums and what nots with Crabs. That us, unless you are happy with the way things are, but it doesn't sound like it.

    you and MD need to just remain friends. unless both relationship status chang.

    1. Crab - Ugh. I don't know. I'm not even sure what the whole point of us being in a relationship is if it's just a friendship with a title. It just seems unnecessary. I think I'm in a relationship with him to keep the friendship (if that makes any sense)

      MD - There is zero possibility of anything. It's just... we both are like a drug to each other. Like... seriously weirdly strange. Us working together is like two alcoholics being the managers of a liquor store. Every move, glance, accidental touching is like the ultimate test of endurance.

  4. In a relationship to keep a friendship? Let me be frank: that's not the way to go. Ironically, I think about all you've gone through to get him to this point; even when you said you didn't want it but you did and now you got it and you don't really want it but you tolerate it?

    Let me ask this: if things ended with Crab - like completely ended - do you think you would ever circle back around to him simply because of the comfort or because you truly care? And would you be willing to accept a sexless relationship again?

    And PLEASE tell me how this guy goes months without boning you???!!! LOL

    1. Mo I don't think this is what is meant to be. But once again I'm stuck in a relationship because of the other person being down on their luck. He is going through a really bad time that has lasted almost two years now. I feel trapped.

      I'd never circle back around. Never.




    2. I know what you are going through with feeling like you have to be the one to help someone when they're down. I do it myself way more than I should. But please please PLEASE don't let that be the reason you stay with this man. It will only do more damage to both of you in the end.