I am currently in a period of time that I absolutely hate to not be with Crab. I hate when I go to see him after work and then I have to leave to go get Mini and go cook. And while I'm cooking I can't wait until I'm done so that I can take him dinner. And when I kiss him goodbye to leave after a quick 30 seconds - 2 minutes of time I'm sad. And all night I miss him. Every show I watch I feel like he is missing from the other end of the couch when something is funny or shocking or confusing... Movies,
Then I talk to him a couple of times and I wait. I wait for 8:50 pm when he leaves and talks to me on his way yo the gym.
Have a good workout! I say and then...
I wait. I wait for 10:05 for him to talk to me on his way home from the gym.
M: Did you have a good workout?
C: Yeah. I did mostly my chest
M: Mmmmm Thank you!
Then we talk a few more times before I go to sleep. And the next morning if he doesn't call to wake me up I wait until he wakes up to go to the bathroom.
I want to be with him CONSTANTLY.... COOOOOONSTANTLY! This is crazy. I needed to talk to someone about this. So I pick up the phone and text
I gotta talk to you about something
Yup! Of course I go to him to talk about these strange feelings I'm having
M: I expected you to text me back... Um.... Not call...
C: Whats the matter?
M: Uh... I... uh... nothing... nothing bad.
M: It's just that I always want to be with you. Like all the time! I hate to leave you. I hate it. And I just miss you so bad all the time.
C: That's weird. That's not even like you.
(I'm sure you all will think it's like me but I'm a lot more transparent here in blog world. In real world I can be a little cold. Not very warm and fuzzy and I'm a loner. I love to be alone)
C: But it goes in cycles. Phases. You will feel like this for a while and then it won't be as intense for a while and then you'll feel like it again. Cycles. You always say things like this when you're on your period. You won't feel that way when it's over.
M: But my period is over. It ended yesterday.
C: Really? Oh. It's a phase...
M: You think? I think it's natural progression.
C: Yeah it'll go away in a few days.
I hate that. When I feel strongly or deeply and I can't seem to convey it to someone. I guess this is just how it is. But do you or have you ever felt that there was absolutely nothing you could do or say to convey how deeply you felt for someone? (sidebar - It's when I type things like this that makes me feel very infantile and immature. Like, I'm so fascinated by something that others probably see as standard) ANYway...I feel like he will never truly know how much I love him. Because there doesn't seem to be a way to say it.