And here's some elaboration on Homeboy. We really did hit it off. He would tell me how he thought he loved me. How he wanted to marry me someday. He wasn't ready to feel like this. He wanted to have babies with me. I thought he sounded nuts but I think part of me liked it. And then he started to have these "headaches" and wouldn't answer the phone for days and then nothing... for weeks.... then he'd call and act like a week a month and now almost a year has passed. Reading back through my posts March was our last go at this. I told him the other night that's why I can't have sex with him. If I do and he does his disappearing act Id be crushed. I actually wouldn't be crushed. Disappointed yes. But crushed no.
But at this point in life I'm not putting myself into losing situations and then blaming the men for being fuckups. Trying not to at least.