Sunday, November 13, 2011

Thank goodness I don't have a dick! Really...

Crab is playing Call of Duty.  How the fuck does anyone play this shit.  I can't there is way too much going on.  People yelling and shooting and he is ducking behind shit.  I think I hear things blowing up.  Oh shit! A helicopter.  He just died. It was sad.  Everything went pink.  He obviously dropped to the ground.  And it was over... over...

I went to dinner tonight for my girlfriend Tunes' birthday.  I'm calling her tunes because she is Looney Tunes.  Nuttier than a fruitcake. Certifiably.  Sometimes institutionally crazy.

Sidebar - he better get off facebook before I fall asleep.

Anyway... I met this dude who I've decided will be my gay bestfriend. However... he isn't gay.  But you can't tell by his mannerisms.  Everything about him says gay gay gay.  Ergo... he will be my gay bestie.

Iwrite this as I sip my peach ciroc.  Vodka makes me so horny. Like with every sip I feel like every part of me becomes sexualized (real word? Perhaps but I'm not quite sure because the vodka is taking effect). Like I feel my self getting wet just sitting here. Thank god I'm not a dude cause my dick would be hard like a good 70% of the time.  Crab went outside. I'm gonna attack his ass when he gets back in here.  Sip.  I wanna lick him. Sip.  My shit is throbbing right now.  I need him.  But seriously.  Hard dicks and the inability to control when said dick gets hard could become quite precarious (sp?).  Oh god.  I need him to get his ass back in here.  Like now.  Anyway though.  Imagine if you were like me but a man.  And you just get aroused while at your desk because you can't stop thinking about the object of your affection and then



You can't go to the copier.  You can't go to that meeting just yet.  You gotta let your dick go down first.  Sip. And then you never know when you will have a flashback.  Like I think about him cumming on my mouth and instanting my clit swells and my knees buckle.  You cant do that as a dude cause some overconfidant bitch is gonna think her lumpy ass was the reason you have a hard dick and then your getting called into SIP the bosses office getting

I'm back .  You didnt even know that i'd left did you?

Anyway... you'd be in the bosses office getting your walking papers only because the head last night was soooooooo good.


  1. lmfao you should write more often when you're drunk.

  2. Lol! I was so bored! Bored bored bored!