OK Scenario time
So you start dating a guy. You really really like him. He likes you. This may be a great match. So you both decide you want to make it official. But his best friend is a girl. And not just any girl. A girl that he has been involved with sexually. Can you accept their friendship? Do you think it's fair to ask him to end his friendship with her because you are uncomfortable. The girl even wants to meet you and be friends with you since you are her best friend's girlfriend. Could you do this? Is it fair to ask someone to stop being friends with someone if they've assured you there is nothing to worry about?
This was an "ASK THE BLOG!" conclusion to a debate.
Appaaaarently you all happen to be the voice of reason.
I wouldn't be able to get serious with him. I just wouldn't. Eventually the jealousy and mistrust would boil over, so I'd end it as soon as I found out I liked him and who his best friend was. I mean, I can sit here and say I'd try and maybe he is being truthful, but nah. Can't. I can't be with a man who's best friend is one he used to get turned on by. I'd always be questioning, wondering. I wouldn't wanna know he's out drinking with some girl he's seen the inside of, yaknow?? And that everything he's doing to me, he used to do to her. Or that he talks about us to her. That she knows what we do behind closed doors 'cause she used to be there in that same spot. And there'd always be a little part of me who thought she was secretly being smug and laughing at me because of that. Nope. I'll be movin' on to someone who drinks with other men.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to agree with Laki. The only reason I stomach my boyfriends best friend is because she's gay and they've never had intimate moments. They met under the pretense of getting together but it didn't work out. Due to her only wanting women.
ReplyDeleteHm. Did I know about his BFF when I started dating him? Nah, I wouldn't ask him to end the friendship but I'd have to see him showing proper respect to our relationship and setting and maintaining some clear and unmistakable boundaries with her or he'd be on the cold side of the door. Either way, I'd be sure to listen closely to how he speaks about her and, yep, I would meet her and observe their interaction and go from there. If he's respecting our thang, we're good. If not, I'd keep it pushing. It's only as hard as we make it.
ReplyDeleteI'd be uneasy about this one...but I guess it would all depend on how much you like him and if he's given you any reason not to trust him.
ReplyDeleteInteresting....
ReplyDeleteI personally would be able to. Crab doesn't think it would work. Homeboy says he doesn't care because he says that if Crab wanted to be with me then he would have so he's not threatened