Friday, February 17, 2012

Quick Update


I've been so tired lately and busy at work so I haven't said much.

He's such a sweetie.  We are progressing and he is more than consistent.  He is helpful and always ready to make sure I have what I want in terms of things.  I still need to get him to understand time together counts the most.  Not money or material things.  But money and material things are nice.  I have to learn to accept them though.  I'm not used to men being so eager to give me things.  We talk about our future a lot.  What town we could move to so that the kids could go to good schools. That I could be a stay at home mom if I like. Trips. Things we'd do as a family.  I think since he's a single dad and his son's mother is the female version of my son's father he understands and would like a stable family unit.  He's very close with both of his parents (his father is getting married this summer and he's the best man) so I think family is important to him.

Also, we all know that I am so self conscious about having no ass.  But he tells me he doesn't care.  He says I'm pretty and have big boobs which is so much better!  :D  He likes my body.  And that's nice.  He says he likes me the most when i'm just regular, not dressed up or anything.  Just regular me. :) That feels good

We still haven't done anything physical yet.  I did tell him to stop giving me those 'Church Hugs' when he sees me though.

Same old same old with Crab.  Every now and then he seems to get re-mad and I really honestly don't think it is all about me.  I think some of it has to do with past relationships and how things ended with them and I feel like he is projecting that onto me somewhat.

Also I think with me, it's important not to front like you don't care. Since I have the ability to keep all aspects of a relationship separate I think it's easy for me to switch things off and on.  I have a Friendship with him, a sexual relationship with him, and a part of me that is in love with him.  So if any of that is mixing and mingling in your head and heart then you should let me know because I'm going to assume that it is only what you show me.  So Crab hasn't shown me emotion.  Only friendship.  So my assumption always is there is no emotion on his part and then I act accordingly.  So I think I may have been insensitive to feelings that he may have had but only because I never thought they were there in the first place.

But it's OK.  I made peace with it all last month.  You know on January 10th when I realized my level of importance.  If no one puts me first I will!  I will put my happiness and needs at the top of the list.  No one else is gonna right?


  1. You know, sometimes I seriously think our emotions and relationships mirror each other's. When I read some of your posts, it's uncanny to me that I'm experiencing a similar thing and emotion. Like this one. I don't have a Homeboy, but I'm having a similar situation with Rabbit. I need to blog something soon, but I haven't really found the motivation, but I almost think that's ok 'cause your posts sound like something I'd air out anyway.

  2. "If no one puts me first I will! I will put my happiness and needs at the top of the list. No one else is gonna right?" THAT'S RIGHT!

  3. I'm so proud of you for working on taking care of yourself, and making the decision to explore options with someone who does want to be serious. All of that dysfunctional shit is for the birds. If the person that you regard with so much importance doesn't treat you the same, that relationship will always be imbalanced and you can't truly be happy with that.

  4. :D thanks for being proud of me!

    Laki I know what you're talking about. We have so many parallels!