Sunday, January 15, 2012

La Verdad

I know this all seems very fucked up. And essentially it is.  But imagine if these things didn't happen.  Imagine if I didn't have these reminders.  I would allow all that other stuff to let me let go and love him in a way my feelings could really be hurt. All of these things say to me

Yes it appears he's your boyfriend to the naked eye.  But when you stop and look closely...


He's not THE ONE FOR YOU.  And you are not THE ONE FOR HIM.

I'm very hurt and very angry that he has not come to see me.  When he lectures me on the phone about what I should or should not be doing I am screaming explatives at him at the top of my lungs in my head.

But I would rather have flat out truth.  And the flat out truth is no matter what he says, no matter how many times he has said I love you...

He doesn't love me enough.  He doesn't care enough.

And that is one of the most valuable things I have.  The truth of the matter.


  1. This post really hurt. When I first read this, all I could think about was me and Rabbit and this is how we are. This is the one feeling I wish I didn't share with you.

  2. This shit was raw. I don't even know what to say.

  3. As much as we want to think things are one way, we really need to accept that they are another. You've always known what the truth of the matter was, babe. Now you have to face it head on and move on. Perpetual heartache isn't worth it. (((hugs))) and considering that you've just had a surgery, you need to focus on only positive stuff so that you can heal your body.

  4. Wow. I really am not hurt or sad or down. This is something I've always held. I guess I never said anything about it which is strange... I am not sitting around dwelling on this. It is what it is. I knew what to expect from him. There where minimal disappointments. The only hope I had came from his mouth. His declarations of what he wanted to do during this time. I allowed myself to hope that he would. I said
    "That would mean so much to me Crab"
    And that was that. From my past with ALL men I have learned not to expect or believe anything because I will then be responsible for my own disappointment. Don't forget guys. I have NEVER had a man in my life that would have come to see me. NEVER. So I always take responsiblity for the protection/lack of protection of my own feelings. Which is why I will not at this point of my life fully let go and love 100% with guards down. My guard is always up.

    I'm fine.