Monday, December 5, 2011

Return of the Psycho Drunk Bitch

I've done it again.

I've gone and got drunk and acted a fool.  Wait.  Correction.  Acted a Damned Fool.  Yup.  Saturday night.  Things were cool.  Me and the Sis were are the strip club.  Dudes buying us drinks.  Giving me money to tip.  And then Sis left.  I stuck around hitting on some chick (not a stripper) and tipping the laziest strippers I've ever seen.  I thanked the dudes for my drinks and the dollars and then ... Dun Dun Duuuuun went to find a one Mr. Crab.  I called.  No answer.  So then I proceeded to CALL and CALL and CALL and CALL.  then my calls started going straight to VM. Sooooo....I went by The Spot and saw my family friend Buddah who knows the deal.  I pulled up and said "Is he in there?"
"You Sure?"
"No.  He isn't."
I pulled off
I go to Crab's house where I sat in my car and proceeded to send text after text after CA-RAZY text.  Nada.  I saw an unfamiliar car in the driveway which prompted me to believe he was in there with someone.  Then my friend Smooth called.  I told him what I was doing and he just said "Yo.  Stop! You need to take your ass to the crib and go to sleep.  Why are you being so crazy?!?!  I can't believe you."
Eventually Crazy Me bounced and Rational me was sitting in a car outside of Crab's house and said "OH SHIT!  What have you done?" and rational me sent a text that said
"Sorry.  Forget I just did that."
and then Crazy me peaked her head back out and sent a text that said "No but for real though where you at and why are you ignoring my calls?"
Then rational me was like "let me go home..."
and I did.  But every 30 minutes or so I would wake up and call his phone to see if I was still going to VM.  I was.
The next morning I texted sorry.  I called.  No answer.  I knew I'd pissed him off bad.  I called more.  Straight to VM.  I knew he was sending me straight to VM and I felt so sorry.  But I knew I deserved it.  Eventually I texted.
"Please just give me a chance to apologize."
He called.
I said I was sorry.  I answered questions of Why.  Why do I drink like this?  Why was I driving?  Why do I keep doing this?  Why would I stay in an unfamiliar place by myself?  Why Why Why...  And I gave answers.   Not excuses though because there was no excuse.  He said he accepted my apology but really didn't want to speak to me.  I told him I understood and would wait for him to call.  I figured I'd probably hear from him by Tuesday.

But he called back about an hour later.  We talked more.  He felt I was trying to BS him saying I didn't know why I would do these things.  he doesn't believe me that it won't happen again.  He doesn't believe me when I say I won't drink like that anymore...  I told him I promised.
I'm gonna keep my promise.  I promise...


  1. I remember a few years ago my dating situation was super screwy. the situation I was in had me repressing myself, biting my tongue and feeling walked over the only time I felt bold enough to say certain things was when I had a few shots too many of liquid courage. Maybe the drinking is a problem but it could also be the situation itself or both... Or maybe I'm just projecting my own issues on to another lol.

  2. @Mo yup no more alcohol for me!

    @Diamond you know what. Imma take responsibility. Even though there are no titles I'm in an extremely healthy situation with a great man. I go out of my way sometimes to do fucked up shit. You know where he was while I was doing all of this? Sleeping because he wasn't feeling well. I was being a big ol you didn't call me back so I'm gonna act like a big ol' asshole brat. I think it is a classic case of self sabotage.

  3. Damn. I don't wanna say it, but you're pushin' it, girl. I messed up a real good relationship once doing what you did. He was a good man who just couldn't take my paranoia anymore and he eventually bounced. And I BAWLED like a baby for MONTHS. Next time you feel like a callin' and textin' fool, PULL BACK. I feel you, though; it is haaarrrdd not calling back repeatedly once you realize you're going straight to VM. TRUST.

  4. @Laki - I always want you to say it. I don't need any cosigners. I need truth! I'm ready to change though. Its scary when you don't know if this is the one time you won't be forgiven.