Wednesday, December 14, 2011

In this corner...

Answer to Laki about how Homeboy makes me feel as opposed to Crab.
It is totally different.  Crab I look to for guidance.  I look up to him.  He teaches me.  I feel his strength and he is very manly.  I feel protected and sheltered by him.  I feel the need to make him proud of me.  I feel the need to better myself to be closer to him.  Physically I love every thing about him.  That is what initially attracted me to Homeboy.  He is the same complextion, build, height, style.  He doesn't wear all gucci and ferragamo like Crab but he definitely has the style I like. And me and Crab definitely laugh together a lot which I love.

Homeboy definitely gives me butterflies.  I like hugging him. Kissing him.  I never revealed my hangups to him so he isn't funny about giving me affection.  We hold hands across the table.  Sit close together.  I don't think I will ever tell him.  Or any other man for that matter.  It makes it easier to pretend like its natural.  With Homeboy I feel more like we are equals.  We are on the same level career wise I think. I mean Crab is higher than me which is to be expected.  But he too is a professional so I guess there is no difference career wise between any of the three of us.   Homeboy and I  have a very similar sense if humor.  We laugh and giggle.  He's funny.  In a dry way.  I like that tho.  But he giggles which is super cute.

I can't say I would have that "he knows what to do" feeling.  Like I call Crab for advice.  I don't see me calling Homeboy because I have more life experience than him. 

Physically I'm totally attracted to him.  He was so sexy when I met him.  Last night we told each other how we remembered what each other had on that night.  He described my dress and told me how good it looked on me.  I described his perfectly fitted v-neck navy shirt army green shorts and perfect white sneakers and aviator sunglasses.  He was just so perfect looking. Pretty. I like em pretty.

But most importantly I can imagine a future with Homeboy.  I can imagine more.  He always say how he wants to marry me and make babies right away.  This is something I can actually imagine happening if he wasn't flakey. With Crab I can't imagine anything like getting married.  I imagine things like... us going to the movies or the mall together.  That is as far as I can dream up with him.  Because of him though.  Not me.  I can't imagine him wanting more with me.

I guess this all says a lot. 
This is not necessarily the time to be making any moves though.  My Baby needs me in his corner right now.


  1. Staying in a situation with a person because they need you is admirable in a way. But don't let a good opportunity pass you by while you're being admirable. I wish I had a magic wand to make these two men morph into one person who you could immediately marry and make babies with...

  2. Hmmm... I don't think it's admirable. To me it's standard. You don't kick your friends while they're down. Point blank period. You don't do it.

  3. Damn... I don't know what to say. It sounds like you already know what you want, but you end your post like that. And I'll just toss in that that's what I did with Mouth. Stayed longer because it was a bad time for him. These past two years were a horrible two years for him. Horrible like, if I had to go through what he went through, I don't know what I'd do. And so I held off making any moves because it was never the right time. Like you said, I didn't wanna kick him while he was down. And I was put in a tough spot because I really cared about him, but again like you said, I couldn't actually see a future with him. So I sat on my hands for almost two years waiting for "the right time." And it was never the right time, so it kinda ended in a way I wish didn't happen. Whatever you do, though, don't sit on your hands too long.. You don't wanna let something good pass you by.

  4. Hmmm yes. Got you. Right now the possibilities with Homeboy are nothing more than a look at what I would like one day. I can't take anything he says seriously. The things I mention when I talk about him and what could be can be used to describe any other man I would possibly have intrest in.

    Would I like for Homeboy to show and prove? Yes because if those possibilities were him it would make me happy. I like him!