Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Who does that?

So DB's in a good place right now.  Yaaaaaaaaay.

So everyday I tell Crab about my friend. He thinks I should tell y'all about her. I don't even know what to call her. The first thing that comes to mind (and the only thing) is FuckUp. She is just constantly fucking up.  But we will call her MzP short for Miss Piggy (nickname courtesy of Crab) she has been fired time and time and time... um and time again.  She has three kids none of whom live with her.  Ever.  Like, the kids say they want to live with her and then they move in for a month or two and then they go back to the grandmother or whoever they were with because the situation is always fucked up.

The strange thing is she doesn't see the absolute fuckedupedness of her life.  To her its normal for something to always be turned off. Or to meet men in stupid situations or deal with losers.  For instance she is on the later end of her thirties and she recently said to me about a dude she was dating

"He has his own place". I was like HE'S SUPPOSED TO. THAT IS NOT A POSITIVE. THAT IS LIKE A NON CREDIT COURSE.  You gotta take it to satisfy requirements but your not gonna earn any credits towards your degree.  If he is almost 40, or above it, an apartment is standard!

Well her newest thing lately is running out of gas on her way home from work. She does this a few times a week.  A few weeks ago she calls me from work saying how she doesn't know how she's gonna get home blah blah blah... now shed just started this running out of gas shit so I immediately drove a half hour to her job to give her some money for gas.  Then it became habitual.  She calls me everyday at around 6 and it became a reoccuring convo.

Omg I have 0 miles to go.
Me - How far are you? 
About 13 miles. I better pull over and call ~insert random dude's name~ and have him bring me some gas.

So this happens often.  So today she calls and im almost home and she's having random convo then she's all

Girl I got 0 miles. You might have to come out here on 22. 

I was all... uh uh. I dont have any money.

So she's like That's ok I'll leave my car here you can just come get me.

I was like uh uh.... I can't ride out the rest of my gas for the week coming to get you. Why the fuck do you keep doing this? Why don't you ask one of your dudes for money the night before. This is fucking ridiculous. I gotta budget my gas and if I need money I get it before there is a problem.  Not just run out of gas.  Like the only reason you should run out is if the gauge doesn't work and you had no idea.

I think she was mad.  I told her to call me when she got home.

You best believe this bitch keeps some good quality hair tho.  She ain't got no gas but she got weave stock piled.


  1. First... Welcome back!! I hope you had a good sabbatical. Now get to writing 'cause I'm bored and do not want to do schoolwork :)

    Second.... I'm actually of blood relation to someone just like this. I mean, almost identical to this. And I have no idea how they can say most the shit they say. Everytime I talk to them it amazes me. It's like they make a point NOT to think about shit, you know?? I keep them around (albeit at arm's length) because they're blood, and try as I might, my mom won't let me write them out of my life, but my question to you is, why do you keep her around?

    Years ago I dated this guy I call Fridge Dude. (I actually did call him that to everyone; I called him that so often, I cannot for the life of me remember his last name.) Fridge Dude was fun, and he served a good purpose to me at the time. But bitch ALWAYS had drama. Baby momma drama, work drama, drug drama, D.R.A.M.A. And after a while it got more hassle than it was worth, so I cut him off. So is there a reason you keep her around?

  2. Lynn! Miss you beacoup!

    Laki, out of habit. we've been friends like 20 years. I lover her so much but her life hasn't grown vertically at all.