Monday, April 11, 2011

Ramblage into a safe sex rant

Today was uneventful. Other than a new job calling because they want me to come in again. Hopefully this will be the end of this dreadful job I'm in now.

We went to the park after work. And thats it.

My Aunt called last night. She asked what my man situation was. I told her that I was still seeing Crab. I told her about him when I first met him.  She said she was surprised that he is "still hanging in there" whatever that was supposed to mean.  I explained our current status and her thoughts are pretty much the same as mine and my mother's.  There is no need for a labeling and defining as long as I'm happy.  And I am.  She told me that my cousin just bought a house and it will be officialy the party spot for the summer.  Then she said she wanted to throw a party in honor me and "Boo". LOL.  She's definitely nutty. She's looks like what would happen if Wendy Williams and Chaka Kahn had a love child.  But she is absolutely fabulous!

Homeboy called Saturday. He said he needs to see me because he's starting to forget what I look like. I told him I look gorgeous. He said he really wants to spend time together. I put him on speaker and let him talk his bullshit while I did my makeup.  Then he did what he does best. He said he'd call me right back, so I'll report back to you all on that sometime in August some time because it usually takes him at least 8 to 12 weeks. To call back.

MD poked me on facebook and I just said to the screen "stop pooooooking meeeeeee." He also texted that he misses me.  I deleted both.  he poked again. I deleted again.

For some reason I find it interesting that I have maintained these 3 men in my life in some capacity over the past almost 2 years. Like it could have been more but as we all know I want what I want and there is no substitute.  There was a time when the girls I hung with really thought I was a whore.  And finally one night one of them stood up for me and was like "she doesn't even have sex!  Duh". They thought I was running around getting dick from everyone and anyone.  But other than my husband, this coche has only seen two men in over a decade.  I think that's good no?

And I like to flirt but I really don't see anyone. Like I can see a man and say "he's attractive" but that's it.  And it could have been less than the 3.  Meaning that the two variables have yet to fully disappear. Why I have no idea. Its been almost a year since I have gone out with Homeboy or seen MD.  (Except for when HB pops up on me in public but that doesn't count) I say with this much time they should be gone forever.  But I'm always waiting for a big hit to the heart so maybe its my fault for being so passive in ending the HB/MD communication.  Although with MD I'm firmer and tell him "I have someone. You know that. I'm not going to be dishonest!" And I've told Homeboy why should I give up my best friend for you when you are consistantly inconsistant FOH. 

There is no doubt in my mind that I could totally be devoted. I could get up from this couch and promise my full love and devotion before God within 15 minutes and mean it 200%.  And honestly I am fully devoted.  I would never do any nasty nasties with anyone else.  That's not fair. I've become very serious about respecting the physical health portion.  I want him to be able to be safe with my body parts.  As long as he knows he is clean and disease free he should be able to know I am too. And I would bet you would assume me and Crab are very sexually active.  But actually not really.  I can't tell you how long its been.  But I can tell you nothing else has been there. Except well.... my little bullet.  I digress.  I take that VERY SERIOUSLY. I will NOT put another person in a position where their health is compromised by me.  One thing that hurt me in the past with my husband's cheating was I was like "dude how you gonna risk my health for your pleasure? That is not cool!" Id never do that to someone I love. NEVER! After I told him that I was done seeing other people I want him to know that is that. If I ever change my mind contrary to popular opinion, he will be the first to know.

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