By the way... I was affectionate. It may have not been visible to the untrained eye but I knew. And that's what counts. It counts that I know that I did something that was out of the ordinary for me. It wasn't as big as a hug. But it was a baby step towards a hug. AND.... are you listening...? It was not sexual. What I'm speaking of. It was not sexual. I'm not going to tell you what it was because I don't want to. But... It was me showing affection. I wonder if he noticed. I don't care if he did or didn't because it was for me. He knows how I feel whether I hug him or not. I'm proud of myself and I feel like the chain the binds me is that much weaker now.