Hmmmm... I don't know what to say these days. I hate to harp on the same shit all the time. (Not that I have anything to harp about at the moment) And there really is no need to. Sometimes in life regardless of what a person feels about their situation they are in it because they want to be in it. Its a choice. And I guess that is me right now. I complain. I whine. I come on here and throw the biggest and best pity parties complete with goody bags and all. But I am where I choose to be.
Taking a step forward would be devasting for me. Devastating. I am dealing with my mother's health issues, changing jobs, improving my health so my father can get a healthy kidney. Losing the person who makes me laugh. The person who listens to me cry. The person who encourages me. Can't do it. That sounds so selfish. Like I want our friendship just for those reasons... but my day to day is happy. And a very large part of that daily happiness comes from Crab. Its stability. One thing I can count on. On a bad day I can count on knowing I will be encouraged. On a good day knowing that someone is going to smile with me. Laugh with me. And I love laughing with him. I haven't had that in a long time. I didn't know until my wedding day 9 years into the relationship that my husband had a chipped tooth. Crazy right? But he never smiled around me. Never. So to smile with Crab and laugh with Crab feels so good.
I want strawberry cheesecake. Uh huh... I do. I can almost taste it! See that's where I would have called my boyfriend and asked him to go to Tops Diner and get me some cheesecake. But it will happen. But for now I'm happy that I can call up my Crab and get a good laugh. And my fat ass doesn't need any damn cheesecake anyway! :)