So I began the shenanigans and fuckery!
And quickly ended them.
It started with me accepting a date. Soon after accepting the date, dude started beating me in the head with bullshit about him needing to travel to Rome for a meeting and I was like
"Ummm... I don't think this is a good idea. I think you're really nice and I was looking forward to going out but honestly I'm kind of involved in something and I think accepting your offer was a poor decision"
He said he understood.
So I was completely turned off by being the target of such simple tactics. I'm better than that. That will not make me take my pants off.
There is very little at this point that could actually get my pants off which is sad. Because when I think of what it will take for me to get to that point, I think it will be a looooooong time before I get some. And I want some now... so it's gonna be a loooong wait. I seriously need some toys. Seriously. Desperately. Because I think we (or my long time followers) know what I really want. My breathing is off just thinking about typing it. There is not one day, well maybe one day, but not two days that go by that I don't think of it.
When will it stop. What will ever come along and erase that from my memory? Will I be sitting at the dinner table with my husband 10 years from now still thinking about it/him...? I'm always scared of running into him because I am not sure if I will be able to control myself.
I swear it was like a drug. I've never felt that before. It was like ambien. it would immediately knock me out cold. And I would have a hard time keeping my eyes open long enough to drive the 5 or 6 blocks home. Sigh..... I'm sure he's not the only one in this world that has this ability. But I'm just not willing to fuck around until I find it. WOW I just had a flashback about a dream I had years ago about high school football players. WOW. Anyway... Back on subject though.... What if I never find that sexual chemistry with anyone ever again? I swear our bodies were just in sync and just moved together perfectly. We amazed each other.
UGH! WHHHHHHHY.....?!?!?!? I wish I had never found this out. I thought the only sex I had like that would be after smoking weed. I didn't think that kind of sex was possible without me having the aid of weed and alcohol. But it IS.... And how many dicks does a girl have to go through to find THAT one...MD?
DAMNIT Y'ALL...! Y'ALL caught me in a lie by omission! alright... alright.... Yeah so I left out a little bit of the MD convo. I knew y'all knew and you all just kept looking at me with that "Really Bitch? Really? So you just talked about brokers licenses huh...? okay." look until this moment when you've broken me down.
There was a little bit of
MD: I miss you.
M: I miss you too
MD: I can't tell
M: There isnt a day that goes by that you don't cross my mind
M: Yes really? But I got to do what I have to do for me. What's right. But I know that you are there any antime I want I can come get it
MD: Good. Anytime. You know that.
SO WHAT! DON'T JUDGE ME THIS SHIT IS NOT EASY.
OMG I even had the nerve to label this post UGH!