Ok so I was thinking about some of your comments and I don't know why it didn't hit me to clarify before but I figured some clarification is in order.
Crab and Commitment
I am not looking for a commitment from Crab. Obviously there is something that is off in terms of compatibility. There is something that is not right. And that isn't a bad thing. It just is what it is. We connect on many levels. But there is lack of a connection somewhere, could be in several places. Could be something seemingly completely superficial. But whatever it is, it has allowed for 1 year and 6 months of a "special" friendship. I never want to be with anyone who has had to compromise to be with me. I think we've all gotten ourselves into situations where we give somebody a chance because they are nice and even though we don't feel it they seem like the person we should want to be with. Well you know what? I don't want to be that nice person that some should be with. I want to be that nice person that someone has to be with because they want it. I am not someone to pressure someone to go somewhere, do something with me if their initial instinct is to say no. I don't want to convince anyone of anything. This is a main reason I don't want a commitment from him. Because it never just naturally occured. When it's right, I believe there won't be any of this, me and that person will fall into place.
Here is where things get sticky. We obviously have feelings for each other. So while I want to find that whole relationship, I love this man. You understand? He is my companion. He is my friend. He is a protector. He is even a provider. He fulfills pretty much everything that a Boyfriend/Man would do.
However, it's like having a puzzle all put together but with the corners gone. It's a beautiful picture, but it's not complete. And even though there are 96 pieces together, those 4 pieces make it incomplete. It's not Crab's fault, it's not my fault. It just is what it is. We still love this puzzle. We could frame it and put a matte around to cover the missing pieces, but you know what? The puzzle is still not complete. It may look good at first but it will shift and move and fall to pieces if we decided to do that.
But you spent all this time with the puzzle and you love it! Even without the 4 corners. You get it? I love my puzzle. I tell him all the time. I love you. Because that is the truth. So it's hard to think of losing him (because we do have feelings invested). You see it would be easy if we didn't get along. If there was negativity, animosity, anger. There is none. Just this man that supports my goals, dreams, that is a motivator, a protector, a provider a friend, comic relief. It's hard to turn and walk away from that.
I just needed you all to understand that. He's not a bad person. He's a GOOD person. He doesn't take advantage of me. He's giving. He is considerate. This commitment thing is not an argument or point of contention. It just is what it is. Naturally jealousy occurs; a possesiveness occurs, but at the end of the day, it is what it is.