Friday, February 4, 2011

The Battle Hyme of the Internal Housewife

I think I was born to be a housewife. I've always wanted to be a housewife. Even when I was little that is what I wanted to be for halloween. I was a housewife for about six months and I was good at it. The problem was I didn't get the praise that I did from work after a good job. But I swear if I had a husband that said "That new shower curtain looks nice" or "I liked the chicken" at least once a month I'd be happy. I may get some slack for this but. I love having the laundry done and making sure my man's shirts are ironed. I love making sure that my family always has new meals to eat and paying attention to what they like and don't like. I love our backyard being where the kids play and watching them from the window above the kitchen sink. I love having time to do my hair regimine so I look nice when he gets home and I love having the food just coming out of the oven fresh and hot while he's changing his clothes from work. I'm good at it too. I love to take care of home.

I'm good at my job. I am. But the thing is this. I care too much. I always want to do a good job and make people proud of me, but being in the working world I am giving this drive to the wrong people. They don't deserve my dedication. They could care less. If I die tomorrow they would say a few nice things. The couple of people I actually KNOW. They'd probably send out an email. A few people say "Oh..." Most would say "Who's that" And then they would log onto (yup that's what site they use) and start looking for a replacement.

The people who I really want to please, who I really want to be proud of me, they could never replace me. They would miss the way I tickle their feet to wake them up in the morning, or call them sunshine whenever I answer their calls, or miss the extra side of corn I make cause I know they like it. That's who's approval I want and crave. Those are the people that I wish I could spend 24 hours making happy, making comfortable, making full, making proud. I wish I could say I couldn't care less about the others but I need the money they put in my acccount every two weeks. But they don't deserve me. Because most things I do with love and a genuine care. No matter how big, or how small a care. Be it helping my son brush his teeth or... well... you know.... ;) And I realize any care they show at work is just a part of those dumbass web training things that we have to take. And after they display that "care" they are going to write you up and call it "couseling" for using a PTO to stay home when your son has a snow day.

So yeah. I gotten written up and/or "counseled".

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