So I decided to answer Monique's question in a post.
Monique Says: Why did you choose not to see other people?
I choose not to because I was always just trying to replace him. I was trying to leave him before he left me. I found myself only interested in men who had his physical attributes. And while it is okay to have a type it is not okay to try and find a replacement. That's just weird. And then when I finally found what I wanted. His height, his shade, his body type, his style of dress it turned out flat and disappointing. We all remember the Homeboy debockle **see footnote. Because even if I replaced him physically I can't replace his personality. That will never happen. So I decided to be honest with myself about where my heart is. My heart is with him. And even though we don't have a comitment, I have a lot of what I need as far as partnership in him. I feel like we are a team. So for the most part there is not that much of a void other than the security factor. And even though I FEEL safe it doesn't necessarilly mean that I am safe. But I sure do feel safe.
Monique Says: Have you guys had a discussion to make it exclusive? I asked him once why we arent together and his answer was "I don't know how to answer that" I didn't probe because I'd rather not know than to know and not have him in my life anymore.
Monique Says: Better yet, what is it that you want the end to be with you guys?Here come the tears. (I must be ovulating). I rarely think about titles. I do think about wanting to be there when he's old and gray. In the end I want to love him the way I do now... always.
**Homeboy Debockle. I found someone who met my physical Crabquirements, and I named him Junior here. But then when I got to know him I realized he couldn't get the title of Junior because he WASN'T even remotely close. And I couldn't even name homeboy so I just ended up calling him Homeboy.