I am for the most part very motherly to the men in my life. I like to make sure they eat. Buy their undershirts. Make them soup when they're sick. It's almost like I need it it as much as they do. I have to have someone to take care of.
Crab lost his mother pretty suddenly. It's been sometime but I don't think he's still not finished grieving her death. We talk about her a lot. About the day she died. I know he was crushed. For years after he had panic attacks.
I'm sure they had a really special relationship. From all the stories he's told me I've been able to imagine them shopping in the city on the weekends and getting a burger at a diner. Or how she wasn't super affectionate, but when he was little she'd come in his room while he was sleeping and kiss him and hug him. It's nice to hear how special those moments were to him. Probably because I do that with Mini. Mini is a mama's boy and I think Crab must have been too. When I was talking to his ex-wife the other day she said "Crab needs to be with someone who is going to mother him. That's what I did. That's what you do. He needs that."
A lot of how I care for him is from a mother's point of view. I think of how would I want my son to be loved and treated by his girlfriend/wife when I'm gone. I want someone who is going to be a haven to him. Someone who provides him with a safe place to be vulnerable. So even though I've never met his mother, I always think of her and her peace of mind knowing that her youngest is loved and nurtured. I do it for her. Who knows. I'm not always sure what I believe about an after life, but just in case, I take care to make sure that if she is looking down on us she's smiling.