These days are so exhausting. Crab thinks I don't see him acting weird and super suspicious. He thinks I don't notice but everything I do and I mean everything is scrutinized and picked apart in his head. I can hear it in his voice. Today he said
"Everything you say bothers me. Like everything. You were so right. The wheels are turning." (I said on twitter the other day I could hear the wheels turning in his head)
When we are together everything feels fine. We are the same as always. Althoguh I know its pretend like he said. But when we are apart he is not trusting a thing I say.
And he asks me questions and I know what he is looking for.
C: so what did you do all night?
Did you talk to him tonight?
C: so what do you plan on doing today
Are you doing something with him?
He thinks I can't tell but his voice changes. Its him who can't tell what he sounds like to me. There are lots of different things I can hear.
Even when he acts like he could care less. Sometimes its one of those "The lady doth protest too much" situations but more like "the dude doth protest too much".
Here's the thing. I'm totally confused aboutwhagt I should say. What I shouldn't say. I feel like talking digs me into a hole. And I talked to my mother about it all and she said I'm being totally selfish by putting him through this and if he felt the need to cut ties I should let him if this isn't healthy for him.
On the Homeboy front...
Homeboy... he's being a very good boy. But HE is starting to want more of MY time now.