Well party people its Friday. That means Crab is about 78 hours late. I expected to see him when I woke up Tuesday after the surgery. Everyday he has loosely mentioned the possibility of coming to see me. I'm now out of the hospital and at my mother's house. Day 2 at my mothers. I gotta be honest Tuesday I was heart broken. Wednesday I was disappointed and by today I could care less. I wish he wouldn't do the whole he's gonna see if he can come see me thing. Its pointless. He has nothing but time. There's pretty much no excuse. People do what they want to do and they don't do what they don't want to do. Point blank period. So I really don't want anyone coming to see me who doesn't want to. That's not my idea of a good time.
Homeboy called this morning.
M: hello
H: what are you doing?
M: napping
H: how come you didn't call me and remind me.
M: its okay it doesn't matter
H: its not okay!
M: yeah it is. I called you last week and I texted you. You didn't call back. You didn't text back what am I supposed to do?
H: you texted for me to have a drink with you. It was late.
M: ok then you say that. You don't just not answer and call me a week later.
I then changed the subject and told him about that night. The night I told him to have a drink with me. That was that night with dudes asking if I was a dancer there. That's his hangout. He told me next time I need to say that my boyfriend comes there a lot and would not like it and be sure to tell them his name. Lol! I told him to come see me but he didn't want to come to my mother's. He's so silly. I told him my mothers not even thinking about him. I know she is wondering why Crab hasn't been around though.
I told Crab about the convo with Homeboy. I want to know why Homeboy does this. If he liked me he would make an effort. But then he just keeps coming back. Why? Why does he keep coming back to not do anything? What is the point. There is no reason d'etre to the cycle. I could see if there were wild passionate moments. But no. There is no deep meaningful history. Just fantasies about the future. So what's the point?
But you know what? I'm not even caring anymore...
He keeps doing this to you because you let him. Cut him off......you can do soooooo much better.
ReplyDeleteI think you misunderstand my why. Not in a why is he doing it to me... I don't really care because I have absolutely no expectations of him nor any confidence in the things he says.
ReplyDeleteI mean what is the motivation. Like I could see if when he pops up I'm giving him sex or head or even a hand job. Or if we are spending time together. Like he doesn't even get anything from it. Or even try to get something from it. He's not trying to come over and fuck... so what is the point for him? Why do it? Its like driving to home depot and sitting in your car in the parking lot. Why'd you do that? For what reason would you even go if you aren't even gonna get out of your car?
Oh oh oh but thank you Annon for you comment. I'm trying to work on not falling back into low self esteem and bad habits. I'm gonna keep your comment in my little box in my head to remind me that I CAN do better!
ReplyDeleteOkay...I hope Crab is reading this (and don't be deleting my comment DBB):
ReplyDeleteHe is an asshole. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. How can you claim to care about someone and not even come see them after they've had surgery? On top of that, you told him about being afraid you would "expire," so it obviously was important to you. I don't care how busy I am, if someone I care for needs me, I'm going to do everything in my power to be there.
I could say more, but then this comment would turn into a blog post, so I'll stop there.
I would NEVER delete your comment. You are very right. Very very right. I can't see anything stopping me from being there. Nothing. These type things go into my mental arsenal. It won't be forgotten. Believe me.
ReplyDeleteIf I could like that. I would like that comment 1000+x
ReplyDeleteGood. I know you're crazy about him and all but still....
ReplyDeleteI'm with UGC on this one. I don't know what Crab could've been thinking. I'm the type of person who gets all kinds of psychoanalitical on sh*t and it makes me go crazy when I try to think of all the reasons men do messed up stuff like this. As for Homeboy..... I've known dudes like this, and again, I got no idea why he's doing it.
ReplyDelete