Sigh

Ok so its Saturday and raining... I could very well stay inside and be dry but a cure for the boredom is needed. Desperately.  I don't feel like I can stand another week of "nothing new...".  I need to feel sometype of way about something, someone, anything!

I'm also thinking about changing my look up. Besides having to lose weight I think I need to sexify (real word?  Not sure) it up a bit. I feeling pretty daughty lately.  I should get a booty pop! Do your ass cheeks go through the holes with that one?  What if one ass cheek slowly decides to slide back in and your left with one big cheek and one flat cheek or one flat cheek with a small booty bubble on top....?  That is not a risk I'm willing to take.  I'm already extremely self concious as it is. I don't need booty pop stress. And then the butt pads have no giggle to them.  I would need my fake ass to have gigglage.  I think I saw one that was made of the same stuff that boob cutlets are made out of.  I don't want butt pads that don't look natural. I had one once and it just made me feel like I looked like I'd stuffed my pants with old tshirts or something.

I was with PIC yesterday and she was acting a bit bitchy.  And I have PMS myself so I was not feeling going out with her so I asked the ex if I could just keep Mini home.   But tonight I gotta do something.  I'm gonna get PIC to do my hair. Long straight with a part down the middle.  I think that could be pretty sexy...no? I need some attention. I haven't been getting any and you know I like attention. 

I wonder how MD is doing. I wonder if when he says he misses me if he actually misses me as a person or just the sex.  I swear I forget a lot of things but I remember that sex like it happened five minutes ago.  What's crazy is that I doubt I would even be able to handle it right away if I got it today.  At first we had to work our way up to it.  The first time I could barely walk or stand after. I hurt so bad. It was terrible.  And he's gentle. He never tried to "beat it up" so to speak.  He was always slow and smooth with it.  I would tell him when it hurt and he would go extra slow and extra soft until I could handle it. And before long I could take it just fine.  I could never sit all the way down on it though.  And it wasn't huge or anything.  It had just been forever since Id had any.  I mean I'd had Crab a time or two at that point and that's a whole other zoovie. I don't know what was up with that. That shit hurt like someone was trying to kill me with a jagged knife.  I was just trying not to let a tear slip. I remember that too.  That was... ummma.... well first of all I was like the sahara at that point of my life.  I had picked up some of that replense stuff and it was not made for sex. That is made for menopausal women who are just dry.  That stuff went from wet to gummy to rubber cement like. Awkaaaaaard.  Then I was in mad pain. I'm looking at him, he's looking out the window. I had built it up in my mind for months to a soundtrack of Trey Songs and.... yeah no.  It was nothing like my little Trey Song scored fantasy.

Well. I've just tortured myself enough for the day. Luckily its almost time for my period or I think I'd be ready to go do something hoe-ish.