Old vs. New

Did I tell y'all I gave my ex $100 the other day?  Probably not.  He called me

X: I need to borrow some money.

M: How much?

X: $200

M: Lemme see what I have... when will you give it back to me?

X: Friday (I could tell he was lying.  He had no intentions of paying me back)

M: I have $100... (I had the $200 but I felt like since I knew he wasn't going to give it back $100 felt like an easier loss on someone who has no regards for me at all than $200)

X:  Ok anything will help

He then told me he needed it by 3:00.  He expected me to leave work and bring it to him. Oh contraire mon frere.  Not today!  

I told him I work an hour away and he was welcome to come get it. And he did.

I didn't tell Crab.  I was ashamed of myself for having sympathy for him

Saturday morning when we woke up I sat up and said 

M: I have to tell you something.  It's killing me to keep a secret for you." 

OMG the look on his face... 

C: Oh ok

M: I gave Ex some money (I told him the convo)

I swear, knowing that I'd given him this money and kept it a SECRET was driving me insane.  If I just never thought to mention it that would be one thing.  But to say to myself "Don't tell Crab" was like having a monkey on my back.

But I like that I am thinking smarter.  Old me would have given him $200.  Old me would have left work to bring it to him.  Old me would have mentioned him driving the car that he said he doesn't have to my job an hour away to get something for himself.  (Did I tell you he lies and says he doesn't have a vehicle so that he won't have to pick up and drop off our son? What a loser!) Old me would have believed that he had good intentions of returning the money.  Old me would have depended on him returning the money. Old me would have cussed him out a million times.

New me said "It's ok to help him but not to the point that it will hurt you."  New me said "Wooooow, he's lying even though he knows I use this money to take care of our son.  He's a bastard."  New me said "Don't even mention the money.  He probably expects you to. Just let it go.  You knew he wasn't gonna give it back."  New me didn't go in on him about the car that he swears he doesn't have.

I'm liking new me.  She's smarter and more mature. In my opinion.

New me is also taking some responsibility for the way men treat her too.  But we'll talk about that later!