Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My conclusion is...

Oh My Gosh I can't stand men!  I really really can't. I try and be positive.  I really do.  I really really do. I try and read UN's blog and keep hope.  And believe.  I listen to Crab and what he says about men and there being good men out there blah blah blah and you know what

I CALL BULLSHIT!

BULL!

SHIT!

And he didn't particularly do anything. Its just when we have the conversation about how I don't trust any man and honestly day by day I trust him less and less.  Love him more and more but trust him less (what's that about?  We will revisit that at some point) he says that. Ugh!  I can barely even write it all out!  He says there are good men. I say they are all peices of shit and show themselves to be peices of shit before I even get a chance to give them a chance.  Let's run down all these dudes I've encountered.... case studies if you will...

Case study 1
The Barber
The barber was the first dude I spoke with after the husband.  He was cute.  Nice body and all.  Owned a barbershop...  so anyway.  He came over a couple of times we fooled around a bit.  But wanted him to want to get to know me.  He texted a lot.  Never called. I invited him out he'd stand me up.  He always wanted to come over and fuck.  I never gave it to him.  I tried to get to know him and for him to get to know me.  No dice.  He stopped calling

Case study 2
The Coach
Met. Him at the bar.  Had good convo about relationships.  He seemed like a really great guy.  I talked to him maybe five minutes on the phone once.  Then... just texts.  A couple of how's ur day... good... texts.  that's it.  Then there was a big snow storm and he texts that maybe he could come keep me warm. I text back to him I don't have male company.  He says back

I wanna play santa and come down your chimney.

I text back lose my number

His name was then changed to DO NOT ANSWER.  What the fuck did I ever say to you to make you think that sexual inuendos were appropriate.  Jack shit.  I'aint say Jack Shit for you to think it was ok.

Case study 3
The bulldog
A dude bought me a drink.  Then he said that I shouldn't be drinking without eating so he told me to order myself some food.  I did.  He then proceeded to stand next to me and glare at anyone that even stopped to say hi to me.  He was like a bulldog.  I should have x'ed that shit then and there but my drunk ass always give these fuckers my phone number.  He calls and we are just chatting.  I told him I was at target and he says he lives around there. And then he says I should come have a drink at his place. I tell him no that I don't do that.  It was like he didn't even hear me he kept repeating that shit and I in turn had to keep repaeating myself that no I do not go over dudes house and especially not to drink.  Then I tell him besides I have my son with me.  Don't you know this motherfucker said I should bring him with me?  What in the entire fuck was in his brain.  Who the fuck did he think he was talking to? His name was then changed to DO NOT ANSWER

Case Study 4
The Dad
I met him at a bar (of course). I was dancing with his friends all night but he had a swag to him that night that I liked.  We exchanged numbers.  He took me to dinner in the city.  It was mediocre. The only time he was talkative was when speaking about his twin daughters.  First of all he was walking fast as shit and not even waiting for me.  I was damn near jogging behind him.  Second he didn't even talk to me at dinner.  Just looked around.  He was alright. I saw potential though.  Great job.  Good father. He talked about other places he wanted to take me... then his next idea to meet up was telling me that I should order the fight (the was a fight on) and he'd come over with food and drinks.  I told him no I don't entertain men in my home especially not with drinks but I really enjoyed his company and maybe we could hookup some where.  See I let him know I'm not about that fucking on my couch life after one date.  I did not have to put him in do not answer because after that he put me in DO NOT CALL.

Case study 5
The Owner
He owned a bar/lounge. He was funny and lively.  He hit me on some sexual shit one night while I was there.  I told him I don't have sex outside of a relation ship.  He told me he wanted to be my man.  Then he told me one thing though.... I couldn't tell anyone we were together because part of his success was women thinking he was available.  He did not get put in do not answer because he let me drink for free. But I did tell him we couldn't be together.

So

Scientifically speaking. If you were to do an experiment and each time you performed said experiment the result was consistant wouldn't you use the evidence as your conclusion?

My hypothesis is that men ain't shit when it comes to me and relationships and my case studies resulted in men not being shit.  In conclusion...

Men ain't shit!

Friday, November 25, 2011

BOOM BITCHES!!!!

So here I am snuggled up in my bed after a great time at my dad's.  Giggles was cool so no problems!

Crab didn't come. His son was visiting. I'm glad he got time with him.  He hasn't seen him in a while since he lives in NC or something.  I did get to meet him so that was great.  He is such a cutie! The same age as Mini.  I brought them some plates from my dads house and hung out for a minute.

When I got back to my dads my aunt came with her estranged husband. I haven't seen dude in years! He's strange.  But guess what he said to me? 

Little Diana has grown up!  She's a Bombshell!

I was like YES!  MY BOMBSHELL MOTIVATION IS WORKING! I AM A BOMBSHELL!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Gobble Gobble Yo

So tomorrow is thanksgiving.

Sigh... I'm going to my dad's house. I don't like his fiance so much anymore. I think she's phony. She was a lot cooler before she got a ring. Now she seems like she doesn't want him doing for me and my son. Everytime I go over there she acts like it's some big ass inconvenience. The last time I went when she opened the door she said

"I dont know why he said you could come over. We're busy packing."

Her 2 perfect little daughters will be there to. She acts like they are GD perfect. The youngest one ( I think she's a year younger than me) has zero personality. The older one is cool though. I like her.

Guess what I did?

I invited Crab. I did. In my round about way. I said "I know you usually go to the bar

Sidebar - not that he sits at the bar and drinks but he used to work there and it's actually a very nice restaurant and they have Thanksgiving dinner for their employees and he is still invited even though he doesn't work there anymore and his bestfriend still works there so...

but you are more than welcome to come with me to my dad's for thanksgiving. No pressure just extending the offer."

He said "Oh okay!" not meaning that he's coming just acknowledging the offer.

So anyway. I'm not necessarily looking forward to this because that bitch Giggles makes me uncomfortable in my father's home. And my dad is my best friend. I told her when she stepped on the scene that everything would be cool if she realized she had to share him with me.

I want to tell her YOU CANT TAKE MY DAD BITCH!

My dad has kidney failure and in a couple of months I'm gonna be donating my kidney to him. Who knows how it will work out. Every day I have him with me is special and for her to try to take any of that away from me I will hate her. I would. So she has to be a little bit more sensitive.

and that's all. I wish I had a friend to bring along for support though. That's why I hope Crabby Crabster will come along.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Bombshell philosophy in full effect.  Crab can totally envision exactly what I was saying with the whole Bombshell thing.  He's such a fuckin visionary. 

So we are dreaming up this calendar idea. Of course he says no one but me would buy a calendar of him. I say not true.  I want you all to buy one and then hide it in the back of the closet cause you know I don't like people looking at him. Lol. I kid... I kid...  I'm about to start putting pictures of him up. He'd probably like that.  Anyway. I told him that the outside is just the surface and that I wouldn't care because the whole of what makes him who I love goes past the surface.  But we gotta show people in our best way about who he is.
  So we thought of some scenarios to convey that he is well groomed and works on wall street and works out and enjoys getting head of course!  He thinks we should practice the head shot though. Lol.  I told him that I just want him to pay for my tummy tuck with some of the profits he said

"All $50 of it..."

In other news... I miss MzP really bad

Friday, November 18, 2011

YOU...BETTA WURK!

Oh so. I meant to tell yall about the dude at dinner that I totally clicked with and decided that he'd be my new gay best friend.

Apparently he isn't gay. And he apparently wants him some Diana. Bad! But when I tell you dude is straight up Paris is Burning I mean... He is giving so much Gay Realness it's not funny.

I gave him my number because I was so excited to go try on shoes with him and let him in the dressing room with no quams and have major fuckery and debochery
up
and
down
the streets of New York. Well. No. Apparently the story he is giving is that he likes girls. Literally. And I say literally because he says literally like literally every three words!

He invited me out to the city to hang next weekend. I was like cool. And he was like "Ok you said that too fast. Let me learn you something okaaaay. When I tell you I do not want to fuck up your relationship I really mean it but I am trouble."
I was like " That is no problem I am not worried about that happening." So he was all "What do you mean by that" And I was like "I'm good. Nothing is gonna come between me and my man". And he was like "I'm serious. I told you I'm a preacher's kid. I get into trouble. I just don't bring it to the church. I'm the choir director AND I like girls! My father would have a fit if some girl left the congregation because I broke up with her."

Y'all...

ION KNOW!

I get myself into so many weird situations!

So he wants me to come over so he can cook and sing for me...

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Bombshell

Hmmm.... what to write about today...

I got nuthin...

No I do but I'm in the bed and don't feel like writing all that I need to to effectively tell a story.

gotta tell y'all about Flame tomorrow. Pure crazy.

I'm just trying to stay awake until my baby finishes unwinding enough from the gym to call and say goodnight. 

Bombshell. I like that word. I wanna be a bombshell. That is my goal. Imma lose a little weight and get myself together.  Bombshell is my new motivation word.  It will be my goal in evrything.  Not just looks.  Imma be bombshell in everything I do.

I think I just got an idea! Oh now I can't wait to talk to my crabbycrabster

Bombshell...

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

See! This is that shit! I hate when I open up and make myself vulnerable and then... BAM! I'm all left out in the cold in my undies...

Now I tell him I love him all the time so it's nothing new but I called this morning and said

"Hey I wanted to let you know I'm loving you soooo much today and I want you to have a great day. I couldn't stop thinking about you all morning!" and he sad "Really?! That's so nice!" And I said OK. Finish getting dressed. and he said "I'll call you when I get to work"

It's 12:59. -_-

Go Ahead...I'll wait...

Yup I'm certifiable

Awww... I just called my CrabMan and told him I love soooo much today! And that I can't stop thinking about him this morning and I want him to have a great day!

Y'all know I'm insanely emotional sometimes so my abundance of love for him this morning has been occasionally spilling out my eyes. You know sometimes my love for him makes me cry. And today is one of those days. Maybe because I took an extra dose of B12 this morning. And listened to Drake Find Your love which was his usual ringtone. Everytime I hear that song I get teary. Cause I love him so much

And... I'll have you know that I sat next to him Saturday and was all wrapped around his leg like a snake. I was. Next I'mma wrap myself around his body. I am.

This dude I met Saturday kind of had a good way of looking at things. When you have time with your person (man, woman or whatever it is Crab and I are) you can be all over them with no apologies because eventually you are going home and they can be alone and not touched then. But until then get in all the cuddling and snuggling you want.

I'mma touch him in a non-sexual affectionate manner the next time I see him

Be-Cause I Luuuuuuuuv him!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Here I go again with this bullshit...

Welp.  I'm sure we all knew it was coming.  We all knew soon I would come around to this... because I always do don't I?  Don't I?

I'm not happy right now...  we all know I have these downs every now and then and right now I'm on a down.  And he doesn't make it any better.

In his defense... the chick who sits next to me at work says I'm being over sensitive about work stuff.  So... I'm probably being over sensitive outside of work too.

First thing that bugged me,  Saturday he didn't pay enough attention to me.  Too much tv watching.  Not enough encouraging ohs and ahs and babys.

Second.  Sunday.  He just acted like it was not Sunday and I was not expecting to come over.  He said he had to do something with Flip.  That's fine.  But don't tell me when I call and say I'm on my way.  Tell me the second you find out. Then he referred to Flip as OlGirl.

-_-

Since when you call your daughter OlGirl

I don't trust shit like that.

I'm not trusting him.

Today.  When do I NOT come over after work?  Um... if I can I always pick him up from the train.  We always chill afterwork unless it just is not possible. Then today "i got something to do."

I'm bout to tell him I'm not happy....

We all know how that convo goes....

But he's sounding mad suspect lately...


Sunday, November 13, 2011

Thank goodness I don't have a dick! Really...

Crab is playing Call of Duty.  How the fuck does anyone play this shit.  I can't there is way too much going on.  People yelling and shooting and he is ducking behind shit.  I think I hear things blowing up.  Oh shit! A helicopter.  He just died. It was sad.  Everything went pink.  He obviously dropped to the ground.  And it was over... over...

I went to dinner tonight for my girlfriend Tunes' birthday.  I'm calling her tunes because she is Looney Tunes.  Nuttier than a fruitcake. Certifiably.  Sometimes institutionally crazy.

Sidebar - he better get off facebook before I fall asleep.

Anyway... I met this dude who I've decided will be my gay bestfriend. However... he isn't gay.  But you can't tell by his mannerisms.  Everything about him says gay gay gay.  Ergo... he will be my gay bestie.

Iwrite this as I sip my peach ciroc.  Vodka makes me so horny. Like with every sip I feel like every part of me becomes sexualized (real word? Perhaps but I'm not quite sure because the vodka is taking effect). Like I feel my self getting wet just sitting here. Thank god I'm not a dude cause my dick would be hard like a good 70% of the time.  Crab went outside. I'm gonna attack his ass when he gets back in here.  Sip.  I wanna lick him. Sip.  My shit is throbbing right now.  I need him.  But seriously.  Hard dicks and the inability to control when said dick gets hard could become quite precarious (sp?).  Oh god.  I need him to get his ass back in here.  Like now.  Anyway though.  Imagine if you were like me but a man.  And you just get aroused while at your desk because you can't stop thinking about the object of your affection and then

BOOM

HARD DICK

You can't go to the copier.  You can't go to that meeting just yet.  You gotta let your dick go down first.  Sip. And then you never know when you will have a flashback.  Like I think about him cumming on my mouth and instanting my clit swells and my knees buckle.  You cant do that as a dude cause some overconfidant bitch is gonna think her lumpy ass was the reason you have a hard dick and then your getting called into SIP the bosses office getting

I'm back .  You didnt even know that i'd left did you?

Anyway... you'd be in the bosses office getting your walking papers only because the head last night was soooooooo good.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Oh! I forgot to tell you guys!

I went to Child Support court last week and ended up with four times what I'd been asking him for a month. And HE was the one who said "Go to child support! i'm tired of having this conversation with you."

So now he's gonna keep complaining about it. He told the lady at Child Support that he needed a list of homeless shelters now. That's bull b/c he was paying another chick the same amount until about a year ago when his daughter was taken off b/c she's 19 and not in school. Yesterday he said he couldn't take our son this weekend because he needed to work overtime now that his income has changed... -_-

He needs to stop the BS.

Anyway. I'm so glad. I was paying $500/mo for before/aftercare. That was a big strain on me. Things are looking up!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Gotta get it out

Do you ever feel so full of love for a person your heart feels like it may burst?

I gotta let it out!  Sorry for the sappyness but here it goes

I love that man.  Everything about him.  I can't imagine any alternative but to devote every peice of my heart to him.  I try not to talk to him about the future because he may not see me in his future in the same way that I see him in mine but I can't imagine being with anyone but him! 

Everytime I see his picture pop up on my phone and I hear Beyonce say

If I ain't got nothin... I got you!

My heart skips a beat. It becomes urgent, imperative, critical that I answer that phone!

Today we were talking about his perception of himself and I said "I know my opinion doesn't count much cause you think I'm crazy" and he laughed and said "yeah you would say I'm the best looking person in the whole world" and I was like "you're damned right.  Nobody looks better than you!"  And I honestly truly believe that. Name the finest celeb and I'll tell you they have nothing, nothing on Crab." I think that's what its all about in the long run.  Loving the person you have. Every bit of them. And celebrating them! I celebrate that soft hair on his head and his eye lids. I like his eyelids.  And the bridge of his nose. Love that too. And his lips the are so kiss worthy.  His chest and his butt and his thighs. And his gorgeous feet and toes.  Yup.

I love his sense of humor and when he laughs. His sinister laugh and his crack up laugh when he says ooooooh.... at the end.

I love the way he loves love.  And how sensitive he is to people's feelings.  He cares. He's a friggin humanitarian he is.

I love how he looks out for me and wants to know that I'm ok.

Everyday I we see if our schedules are going to let us see each other.  Today we coordinated and I told him

"I can't wait to see you"

And he said "I can't wait either"

I was shocked.  I never thought of him thinking of me like that.  Like being excited to see me.

Ok. I think I'm done for now...

Thank you reading if you did.  I just really needed to write it. I had to get it out!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I

Love

That's all.  Goodnight

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Who Doesn't Like Free?

The day went just fine. I picked Crab up from the train. We hung out for a little bit. Everything was (seemed) cool. We talked about the extra twitter. I told him I was bored with it and wanted to delete it. He agreed. It was fun for a couple of days.

Ok. So. I don't have the best judgement or make the best choices sometimes. Especially when it comes to getting free food and drinks from random men. I like free things. And I hate paying to go out. I never spend money when I go out and if I do, I'm pissed. Sometimes when it comes to getting these things I don't think about the reprocusions. Like Men expecting a followup phone number, or them not leaving me alone and guarding a two foot radius of my body like a pitbull, or offending the person you are involved with (Crab) by flirting in front of them just to get drinks and food.

So there is this guy, Shorty. He's a really nice guy. Like super nice! And I met him about a year ago at the Spot and we talked for a long time. I see him from time to time and we say hello. Well Saturday he chilled and talked to me and Sis the whole time we were there. We live about 20 minutes outside of Manhattan and I mentioned how I never go. He said that he'd take us to the city (that's what Jerseyans call NY) this weekend. So he and I had exchanged emails last year so he emailed me and said Friday. I talked to Sis and she's down but that's when I started thinking... I have no intentions with Shorty other than to get a night in the city for free. He's cool though! I wouldn't mind being friends. But... that is sticky. Is it worth it? When Crab and I got back to his house Saturday night he asked about the convo with Shorty. He remembers him from before. I vaguely remember telling him Shorty wanted to take Sis and I to the city. He said he didn't see why he would want to take us both and reminded me that dude may be interested. I called Crab a few minutes ago and told him about my self assesment. He said it isn't too big of a deal especially since I've taken note of it myself. I agree. So I'm going to stop getting free drinks and food from people. o_O (I'm even giving myself the side eye)

Monday, November 7, 2011

I'm wondering how today is gonna go...

I think by the time I got off the phone with him last night he'd changed his mind about wanting to see me but by then it was too late. Mini would be home at any minute.

More than ever I want to hug him and kiss him now. But does that seem guilty? I want his trust back.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sad

Ok so... last night two mistakes

Mistake #1 I went to The Spot.  Now we all know I pretty much am banned from there. Every now and then I get a pass for special occassions like birthday dinners for people I know... things like that.  But I'm not supposed to go. I went. On top of that I didn't tell him I was going so when he was walking up to the door.

Mistake #2
There I was outside talking to a dude.  He walked past me without as much as a head nod.  I told dude I was talking to "that was my man!  Oh he's mad.  I gotta go". So I went back inside and sat my ass down.  He was angry when we got back to his house.  I pled my case.  He said I should have told dude he was my man the second I saw him and said "Hey Baby" before he walked past me.  I told him that I did tell dude he was my man but Crab felt that I should have done it right then and there.  Too little too late.

Granted the whole scene was shady I was tipsy hanging out at his place in front with a dude with obvious flirting going on. But I pled my case. Then we moved on. Insert last nights breakthrough post.

Today. He stalled on me coming over. I'll call you back in a minute.  When I pressed and said "don't you want to see me?"  He raised his voice at me and said "What did I say?!"  I waited two hours. Finally he calls. 

C: yeah
M: Mini will be home soon.  What you didn't want to see me?
C: No I didn't

I pled my case some more.

He didn't believe me.
At all.

I hate when people I love aren't happy with me. Hate it.

Quickie Post

I can't wait to go to Crab's today!  I'm gonna wear a new outfit for him. And he said we are gonna do everything.

That means EVERYTHING!

I have to prepare! I need to do my nails and hair.  I have dinner cooking now too!  So imma feed him and fuck him. Or fuck him and feed him either or.  Whatever order he likes. 

I love our Sundays.  Its the perfect way to start the week! Although its been a month since he's given me that dick!  So I'm sure I will be hurting tomorrow. But there's nothing like being sore as a perfect reminder of what you did the night before.  I better go shave and shower!

Breakthrough

Oh Nony you would be so proud of me.  I totally let my guard down 100%! It felt so good!  For the first time IN TWO YEARS I kissed him passionately.  Its been two years! He was shocked. Pleasantly I think.

He's such a good kisser too!

It felt so good.

I kissed him and I touched him

And

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

I hugged him

And I let myself feel love for him.

I looked in his eyes.

And I smiled at him.

And I wasn't afraid.

And he asked what brought this on.  And I told him

I'm not afraid anymore

And he told me

You shouldn't be

Tonight I'm going to sleep peacefully.  I've finally come to the bridge and I crossed it.  It was spontaneous. It wasn't contrived of planned.  It was real.

Thank you universe for finally putting me in a place where I can feel freely. Thank you!

I feel like I've broken free!

I'm free

Saturday, November 5, 2011

I Confess!

Ok I just lied.  I'm not going to hug him.  Can't do all that.  But I'll do something like pull him in for a second kiss when I kiss him goodbye.

Chicks and Dirty Talk

Hey y'all. Sorry I've been away.  I've been playing freaky bisexual on twitter the past few days.  I made a new twitter account so Crab can watch me talk nasty with girls. Its been taking up quite a bit of time and I'm gaining popularity. So I must constantly thank followers and talk about eating pussy and things of that nature.  We are enjoying it.

I told him I'm scared I will just become a lesbian to which he said he'd just say "Fine! Fuck you bitch! JK"
AND WE LAUGHED...
I couldn't though...
But seriously.
What if I indulged my curiosity and realized I like women better? Than I got a whole new issue to deal with!
I mean... Actually, I totally have all intentions of doing it. I just don't want to like them better...
I do believe this nasty talk with these chicks is helping me with talking nasty to Crab. Im not going to sit here and tell y'all that I have been going all out talking and shit.  But I'm bringing it up in covo now.  For instance...

C:  when are you going to pick up Mini?
M: when I finish sucking you off.
C: good answer!

And now that I've started the nasty twitter I am seeming to use the word pussy a lot, which at one point I couldn't say at all and would just call it
The P Word.
So I'll be texting while I'm with him. And ill tell him "yeah I'm telling this chick I wanna eat her pussy from the back."  He finds this entertaining. It makes him laugh.  Probably because he knows #1 I have no idea what I'm talking about because I have never done anything like this and I'm making this shit all up. #2 that I would never say these things out of my mouth.

Oh oh...

Progress! Today at some point I was feeling tired and crampy and just not so good.  And I just wanted to be near him.  I needed comfort and when I thought about it, being with him was what I wanted to feel better.  So I called him and told him I wanted to see him.  When I met him at the train he was like "what happened at work?" And I said "nothing.  I just wasn't in a good mood and I just wanted to be with you."
Progress...  those were vulnerable feelings I wouldn't normaly reveal.

Then...
Then...
When I was done I stayed next to him and I didn't get up and I kept my hand on his leg and rubbed his leg a couple of times while we talked.  For me this was cuddling. I needed it. And it happened because I changed my behavior.  I didn't push him away so I could get up.  I kept my arm around his leg and touched his stomach and talked to him.  What we don't do is what we don't do because I won't do it. I'm gonna hug him tomorrow. And I'm gonna lay with him Sunday.

Sitting with him today really made me feel better.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

BLAH BLAH BLAH CRAB CONVO

So I told him.

"I unfollowed you. I had to. I just couldn't deal!"

C: Why?
M: It's just best. I just can't take it.
C: Ok yeah then... you should.
M: Maybe one day I can follow you again. But now. Today. I had to unfollow you.
C: What did I say?
M: Nothing... I just... I can't.

This Morning - me on twitter

M: Good Morning @Crab!
C: Good Morning @Diana

Later - He calls

C: Did you follow me on twitter again?
M: Yeah I'm good now.
C: WTF. I don't understand what I did to make you unfollow me. Was it my friend?The one that said hi to me?
M: No. I have no idea what it was. But when I read your timeline, a feeling came over me and I had to unfollow you. This morning it was gone so I refollowed you. I think I will just continue to follow and unfollow as necessary. You'll just keep getting emails "@Diana is now following you"
C: *laughing* if you keep unfollowing me I'm gonna block you! Well I'm going to go to Starbuck's until lunch. I'll call you after lunch.
(He is the sole reason for the Occupy Wall Street Protest - People Getting paid to hang out at Starbucks! UGH!)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Unfollow

I gotta unfollow his ass like right now.  I can't... I just can't... I'm insanely jealous.

HEY NONY!

Say what?  I can't digest it?

I'm on the Do Not Call List

This Morning...

Via Text

M: You on a Train?
C: Waiting on the Jitney
C: I see you called by accident this morning

** check my phone history**

M: No I didn't. That was that bitch. It's Me.... Diana!
C: Oh I meant to send that to Girl(one of his daughter's friends)
M: See....
M: That's that bullshit
C: You are trying to press my buttons too early in the morning
M: I'm sorry Baby. Punish me later.
C: Don't call me today!
M: I said sorry!

CTFU. I'm not gonna call him. But it totally cracked me up when I read

"Don't call me today"

Supplemental

So I learned that semen has antidepressant qualities for women and it can be addictive. 

That explains everything.  That's why I want it so much.  It makes me happy. I smile after I get a dose.  I do anything to get it.  I totally stood up PIC the other day.  Just straight up never showed. Never called.  Just because I I didn't want to leave Crab.

Its full of vitamin c too! My doctors say I really need to take vitamin c and potasium (which it has too).

See.  I neeeeeeed it!