So my weekend without Mini was uneventful. Friday was a hard day. Hard night. I got a text message that was obviously meant for someone else. And while it wasn't anything crazy, it was just a wake up call. Crab is not mine. He can and probably does have other women in his life. He deserves more. All. Right? And he can't see more, all with me so he should be actively persuing a complete relationship that fufills all of his needs right? And I made the decision for myself not to see anyone else anymore. That was my decision. Not our decision. I can't make him do the same. I wish he would. I wish he... nevermind.

But I need to make some agreements with myself about how I'm going to realign my thinking and feelings. Because right now its gonna effect things. I'm not necessarily ready to let go of what I do have with him. So I either need to supress the negative feelings that I have or somehow reinforce any walls I have now. Add a new layer of bricks. But that's hard. Its easy to keep the wall up when its already existing but its hard to build it back up after you've started to take it down. But I have to find a way to fix this because I don't want to lose him. The part of him I have.